*trigger warning: mentions of depression and suicide*
tomorrow is christmas eve and honestly it doesn't really feel like christmas to me. maybe its because im 17 now, so the magic behind the holiday is no longer there? it could be because of covid and quarantine. but i really think its just my depression. it always gets worse on school breaks, i think it has something to do with there being nothing to do, so my mind wanders. the next couple days marks three years since my first suicidal thought/semi attempt. im not sure if other would classify it as an attempt, but to me it was and felt very real and to this day still haunts me. nothing bad really happened to me, no one found me, but i was conscious and just got up and carried on with my day. i know that for a lot of people mentions of suicide/depression and be triggering, so i apologize for how dark this is. but this platform is a way for me to let everything out. even if the only person that reads this is myself. i can look bad on this and be proud of how far ive come. i just want to say to anyone who reads this. you are loved, beautiful, worthy, capable, talented, unique, special and much much more. these were words i grew up not hearing. so i just want to say them, or write them, to remind anyone who is lost or in need of comfort. you deserve to be here and you have a reason to be here, even if you haven't found that reason yet. you make the world brighter and the world needs you in it. please take care of yourself this christmas and please stay healthy and safe.
love,
natasha❤
(and my favorite boys above)
