Empty soul

Untitled

     I remember everything even now... That place that was whiter than the snow.
      Going back, life wasn't that bad. We were just some pure friends living together. Actually, I'm not sure whether to call that friendship or not. We had been living there forever. I'm not sure how we got there or what were we for each other. We just existed.
       There wasn't much of that place.Just a white room..that was small but i wonder if it was actually endless. I never had the curiosity to explore.. i wasn't afraid, i wasn't sad, i wasn't curious. I was just living with my other friends and this one creature that we called "mother". I don't know what she was, she was just like a ghost, but sometimes making her appearance without a reason. A white hair, pale skin and ghost eyes. She was giving us everything we wanted, her power was endless. If you wanted money, she would give it to you. As many as you wanted.You wanted sweets? Sure, as many as you asked for.
      We never questioned how we knew these things, not once. We weren't bored. Out of all, mother was closer to me. I could feel her presence every time and her voice in my head speaking daily

             How are you my dear? What you wish for? What are your fears? Curiosities? Any negative feelings? Any thoughts? You know mother loves you, right? There's no need for you to fear, to question. You have everything you want right here and now.

    She was talking to me like that.. like she was trying to keep me there. In that strange place. Caged from everything that could take me away. But I'm not sure why she always kept her eyes on me more than the others. But that was a mistake.
     One day, they asked her what is the human world. She made her appearance and appeared somehow worried. The friends asked her multiple times until. she finally gave up and promised something to us. That she would send us there for a while. She didn't look pleased but she knew something.
       So we were sent there. A colourful world.. with lots of creatures that looked like us called humans. I can't express what i felt that day.. fear? joy? The feelings were so overwhelming for us that for the first time we cried. There were hot drops of water that were slowly sliding down over our petrified expressions.  We felt our powers weak.. we felt something that later on i learned was exhaustion. We were feeling what i didn't know was called hunger and thirst. We didn't need that where we were.
       That day we had felt things that we never felt before.. and we explored the world and our emotions, we absorbed with such hunger the information that the world held. But the time had come for us to go back to our mother.. the thing was, none of us wanted to go back. Even tho we had nothing in this world, we still had more than we could ask from mother. There was a drink in front of us and we could hear mother calling us back home. All we had to do was to drink. So we decided we won't so that we can stay there forever. We then realised we didn't love mother...

       But i felt like something was pulling me to drink that.. something unknown, then i realised that i could hear mother's voice
 

  
       My dear child, come back home.. you won't have to feel exhaustion ever again, you won't have to worry about anything ever again.. just you and me all alone living peacefully. Please, don't leave mother alone... come on my dear, you know i love you, right?
           
                   .........
        
        Then i drank... why did i do that? It wasn't my free will.. i was manipulated by her  power.. I returned from where I've started. I wanted to go back, i was desperate. But mother showed me that i could have, she was giving me things that i didn't ask for, lots of them. Money, sweets, food, toys. But all i was wishing for was a way back to the human world. But i couldn't find it
         I didn't lose any feelings.. that was something that i didn't lose. And i was left with feelings of agony and despair, with feelings of hatred towards mother. I hated her, i didn't want to hear her anymore. I was suffering, my soul felt as if thousands of needles were piercing it. I wanted back to that world.. to my friends. No! I was trapped there. I couldn't do anything everything was lost..
       I'm still here, with a lot of hideous feelings and a sense of wanting revenge. But what can i do? I'm so weak against mother. Now i know what she knew. That she would break the promise : to give us everything we wanted no matter what. But u suppose she thought that sending us to the human world, being human would make us scared and we would want to go back to where everything is safe. I am not forgiving here. I understand that she might feel lonely and that no matter her power she can't have alive beings here with her to comfort her. But now she made me like her and even more because i hate it here. I feel alone and abandoned, caged by someone who was once all i had. No matter what she gives me it'll never be what my soul yearns to have... i feel empty...surrounded by everything i could have, but nothing taht i truly want.
         Wish i couldn't understand mother and her reasons so that i could despite her more.. but i have empathy now and a big one as she left me with human feelings. She promised me that when she'll die she'll send me back to the human world. She promised me she's not immortal, so until that day all i can do is wait for her death to come.
          This strange place... it doesn't feel like home anymore. And even if i return to the human world, i wouldn't find my friends. I will have to start from the start she said, from where every human starts from being born and slowly drying, that I'll be challenged. She told me I'll continue to live under a curse. That after i die I'll be reborn but lose all of my memories. That after I'm first reborn I'll only remember everything that happened only for 30 days. But i won't be able to speak, or do anything to keep this information.
       I accepted these conditions and now I'm waiting for her death and for my birth...
         Farewell empty soul...
         Farewell my paradise...