Beneath the Blazer (A Sebtana Fanfiction)

Chapter One: Stand

I did not realize how much one decision could impact you; I did not realize how much regret I held onto until I stood in the middle of my bedroom. I also, did not realize how important packing for University was until I started. My name is Sebastian Smythe and I just had the biggest reality check of my life. I looked down at the photo, the Warblers had just been granted second place at Regionals, behind New Directions. I was shaking hands with the only boy I have ever loved, the one and only Blaine Anderson.  Though I loved Blaine, I didn’t think about him much. Reliving the pain that I caused him and the strain that I put on his relationship with Kurt was too much. He was just so put together and confident and absolutely sexy and his voice was smooth as ice. He could make your day or break your heart with just a few words. I loved Blaine with everything in me, and I couldn’t handle all of the mistakes I made when I was scared of being myself.  

Maybe if he would just answer one of my voicemails or text messages.

I wasn't interested in trying to get in between him and Kurt anymore; I just wanted to make it right. I couldn't move on with my life until I had at least tried, and I knew Blaine didn't want to hear from me, and I know Kurt didn't either. I hardly wanted to be me, and I'd been myself for 21 years.

I took a steady breath, examining the once crammed room in Ohio, all of my trophy cases and shelves had been dismantled, the achievements that took form in trophies, medals and certificates were packed away. My clothes were folded and separated in several suitcases and boxes. The room hadn’t been this empty since I was forced to transfer here from my school in Paris. So much had happened since I became the captain of the Warblers, and all I could focus on was the regret despite the overwhelming success. 

Suddenly a voice from downstairs snapped me back to reality, snatching me away from the safety of my own thoughts. “Sebastian Smythe, if you miss your flight I will not hesitate to beat you. Your mother is waiting” My father was a lot of things. Some may even call him an asshole, but to me, he was my dad. He was a State’s attorney, and the real reason I got off with so many things during my high school career. In the same breath, he could also get himself out of a lot of things. He'd only really hit me a few times, and those were: when I came out, when I got my first boyfriend and when I told him about Blaine's eye.

I pushed the thoughts of my father beating me and glanced up at my wardrobe one more time, knowing that the last article of clothing was on the rack and once I packed that I was officially ready to go to University, to leave Ohio and the safety of Dalton, away from my family and what was left of my friends. I was going to be my own person when I packed the last piece of clothing, the piece of clothing I hid behind for years, and when I packed it away I knew I'd no longer be Sebastian Smythe: Warbler. I'd be Sebastian Smythe: Julliard student, New Yorker, grown up. The whole thing was just really surreal to be completely honest.

I approached the doors to my closet, and slid them open, letting my skin brush against the navy material, I let my fingers graze the red piping and feel the embroidered D on the pocket. I slid off the olive green cardigan I was wearing, and put on the blazer. The familiar material brushing my arms, I felt safe wrapped up in the material, it had been my life for so long.

"One last time" I told myself with a shaky voice. I heard footsteps come up the stairs. "Dad, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm coming. Sorry" I swung my bags over my shoulder and dragged them down the stairs. I didn’t want to be hit on the biggest day of my life.

 I ran into my mom halfway down. "Hi Seb, are you ready to go?" she asked, her tone sweet but laced with sadness.

"Yeah, I’m ready" I whispered, still trying to catch my breath from earlier. Once everything was in the car, I stood in front of my brown brick house, giving it a once over. "Well dad, I'm going to miss you" I said when he approached the door.