The way I am (eminem) (re-edit)

Chapter forty-eight

Sophie's POV

--christmas day--

Today I spent the day with my family... my real family. My mom, her partner and my brother. My mom's partner was really nice, it was a pleasant day.

I had excused myself and gone for a cigarette. I currently sat outside in the cold.

I think once I have got my head in the right place everyone around me will continue their lives as normal because I think shit is a bit tense currently.

I hate this 'new year, new me bullshit' but honestly though, I think I will try to make next year good!

I wonder how people, get over like abuse. Maybe I just overreact with it all? You are always on edge when really their is no need to be. Then again, many people in the world are as fucked up as my dad was.

"Hey you ok?" Mikey said scaring me half to death.

"Yeah just thinking" I nodded.

"Well you have 'just been  thinking' for the past 20 minutes and you have lit two fags alone"

"Yeah, i'm fine. I just need to get my head in the right place. It's like I see him everywhere I go, I can't even sleep without thinking of him. Every time I have alcohol, I worry I will become like him"

"You would never become like him Soph! I know in many cases in the world the abusee can become the abuser, but I don't think that will happen to you, just because of how you are now" he assured me.

We walked back into the apartment and I went into the spare bedroom which is meant for me because I'm obviously legally suppose to be living her, but I couldn't stay here all of the time. I didn't even stay last night, I got on the bus at 6am this morning. I stayed Marshall's again, it was the first time I had seen Debbie in a few months.

Ronnie is in town now until mid January. I have really missed him, we have all kept in touch though, I look up to him so much.

Ronnie is one of the guys that is all for helping a person but when something is wrong with him, he tells no one. It's what I use to be like, I think I open up to a few of the guys now though.

Marshall had asked me to spend christmas with them but I didn't want to intrude. Jay and Antonio also asked me to spend it with them but they are just getting drunk and I want a proper Christmas, so I wanted to spend it with the small family I do have.

"Soph are you sure you are alright ?" Mikey question again from the door. I was sprawled out over my bed.

"I'm fine"

"You're'fine'? Why do I feel as though it has a different meaning?"

"Look Micheal, I promise I am ok, i'm just tired to be honest" I told him, yes I was very tired. I've been struggling to sleep.

"Why so tired?"

"Nightmares, since I don't have to worry about someone being after me it's like my brain wants to worry about something else. He is just in my dreams all of the time"

" I don't know how to help" he sighed. "Maybe see a therapist?"

"I will figure something out but thanks anyway"

He nodded and left and I was left on my own once again. It is christmas day and I am sat on my own in a cold dark room.

Once when my dad and proofs mom were together they took me and proof to a lovely meal, it was the best christmas I had ever had.

I might walk down to Jay and Antonio.

I had a few clothes here that I brought from mikeys, I have my gym clothes because I like to run, which is what I am going to do now.

I put on my clothes and put my fags in my pocket, along with my lighter. I put my hair up and walked out of the room.

"It was lovely to see you all but i'm heading back down to Detroit"

"Want a lift?" Mikey asked and I shook my head.

"I'm going to go for a run, merry Christmas ,see you soon" I left without anyone saying much more.