Blue and Grey

B&G1 : Where's my Angel?

Jungkook's POV

Beating the hell out of me til I pass out — crazy but I prefer that over words. Life has lots and lots of colors, they say. Colors represents different kinds of emotions, let's add this up to that. Red for passion, love, rage, revenge. Brown for woods, feeling of coziness. Orange for the rising and setting of the sun sometimes a mix of purple, blue, and red for the latter. Green for nature — the trees, bonsais and everything associated with it. Yellow for joy, the sun itself. Black for darkness, sorrow, pain. But why's my life just full of blue and grey? What does this colors truly represents?

"When will you stop doing that to your schoolmates, Mr. Jeon?" Another day with the guidance counselor, what a good day isn't it?

"And when do you plan to bring your parents here? I need to talk to them! You're going out of hand." I sighed and her angelic face flashed on my mind as I close my eyes.

Seriously? You're in the middle of getting roasted and that girl is all that you think about? A part of my mind said.

"Mr. Jeon! Are you even listening to me?" Her voice is low but I can hear frustration hiding in it.

"I'm sorry Ma'am. My parents can't be here. They're busy working."

"Your parents are busy working hard for y——" I can clearly hear frustration in her voice now. Here she is again educating me for the things she doesn't really know about.

***

"You're out for weeks!! With whom?! Your other woman? And you'll go home like nothing really happened and everything is still fine! F*ck you! Get the hell out of my sight!"

Memories after memories. When will this pain stop? Pain should be a fleeting feeling, am I right? I remember myself searching it on websites and it says pain is fleeting, some might leave scars but it can be treated. Why does mine can't be at least eased? I can bare having scars, even thousands of it. I can and will trade everything for this pain to stop.

"Mom, look! I want one!" I just found myself at the park again — the same park where I first met her.

"We don't have enough money, baby. We need to buy food for tonight." I walk towards the vendor the little girl was pointing at and bought the balloon for her.

"Here little girl. Stop crying, will you?" I saw her mother look at us while buying street foods. Is that the food she's talking about?

"Thank you!! I really want one but we don't have money to buy it. You're a savior!" I saw how her face lit up as she play with the balloon.

"Wait! What's you're name?" I heard her scream but I ignored it and continue walking home.

"I will call you angel! Thank you!"

An angel. Angels are supernatural beings who's helping Him and taking care of humans. Website sucks. Angels aren't true. If they are then does that mean I don't have one with me? Because no one really cares if it's about me.

***

"No! Please stop! I can't bear it anymore!"

"Really? Then stop womanizing! You think money can solve everything?!"

"Mom! It's me! Please stop! I-it's Jungkook! I'm not dad!" I sighed when she stopped beating me.

***

"I'm sorry. I didn't intend to do it. I'm really sorry baby. I won't do it again." Martyr? That's not enough to describe her.

***

"It's your fault! You know what I——"

"You said you'll stop! I trusted you!" That were the same words I wanted to scream everytime, mom.

***

I woke up feeling numb. Funny how they said sleeping is the best therapy. I mean, how? If even in my dreams — everything is haunting me?

***

"I'm tired of seeing your face here, Mr. Jeon. It's a good thing this will be the last." I looked up to her and saw her relieved face.

Is it really hard to deal with me?

"I won't be screaming at you today. Please Jungkook, learn how to respond to your teachers and control yourself. I heard the next counselor is a guy. They say he's ruthless. I'm worried about you, you know?"

Being worried is to feel or show fear and concern because you think that something bad has happened or could happen to someone, the dictionary says. Most of the time I'm wondering do the words coming from someone really mean what the dictionary says? Or is it the opposite of it?

The last time someone worried over me, beat me up the next morning and showered me words — not praises, you know what I mean.

***

Another day went by like the others. I go to school and get scolded by the counselor, go to park and buy some kids what they want, go home and get beaten up for the things I didn't do, and finally go to bed and dream of the worst nightmare one can ever have.

I walked towards the counselor office to be scolded once again. It's part of my routine.

"Who do we have here?" We have a new counselor I almost forgot.

"I'm Jeon Jungkook." I said without paying attention to him.

"Well, Mr Jeon, do you mind looking at me for a second? You look like a lost kitten looking for food and honestly speaking I can't believe this is your record. Slept in class — even nerds do that sometimes, cheat — a serious offense that happened not just once and twice, cut class — cool ——" I didn't get a grasp of what he's saying when I looked up at him and saw how his lips move while he talks — it's distracting. Actually his whole existence is distracting. Heart shaped face, plump red lips, pointed nose, tan skin, hair in a clean cut, his polo with buttons buttoned neatly, necktie in the right place, his aura screams perfection and comfort.

Did I just say comfort? Did I just find someone's presence comforting?!

But he looks like an angel. My subconscious state really sucks.

"Mr. Jeon? Are you alright?" I stared at him blankly, not uttering a single word.

"Oh yeah, it's rude to not introduce myself, isn't it? Well, I am ——" He stopped mid sentences to pick up the call.

"You can actually go now, Mr. Jeon. I have an important meeting. Let's talk about your case some other time." He said, phone on his ear and hand covering the speakers. He forgot to tell me his name.

Can I call him angel?

ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ᴄᴏɴᴛɪɴᴜᴇᴅ...