Breathe For Me

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Charlie sat on his couch, scrolling through Twitter. His eyes dared to wander up to the top of his phone. He immediately grimaced.

2:45pm.

He had told himself he would start filming at 2:30. Even though the time gap wasn't particularly large, it made him feel like shit. He knew he had to film today. He hadn't posted anything on his main channel in over a month and a half, and people were starting to question him. Every time he streamed on Twitch, his chat was consumed with questions like

"Did you quit YouTube?"

"When are you coming back to YouTube?"

"It's been ages since you've posted on your main channel. What's up?"

"You're so lazy, all you have to do is record yourself playing video games and you can't even do THAT right lmao"

Just thinking about all the comments made his heart race. Charlie closed his eyes, taking a few deep breaths. He forced himself to stand up from the couch. He wandered over to Grace, who was sitting at the kitchen table working on homework. He leaned over and kissed the top of her head.

"I'm gonna go film." He told her, praying his voice had come out normally and not shaky, betraying just how nervous he was.

"Okay. Love you." Grace said sweetly. Her tone made Charlie smile.

"Love you too." He said. Grace looked up as Charlie walked towards his office.

"Are you okay? You're quiet." Grace asked him.

Fuck. Was it that obvious?

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just thinking. I'm not too sure what I'm gonna film today. I think I might play Left For Dead, but I don't know if anyone else would be down to play with me." Charlie said a little too quickly. Grace's expression made it clear that he had over-explained. He smiled at her and turned around, walking a bit quicker into his office. He shut the door and leaned against it.

He stood there for a minute, enjoying the dark quietness of his office. He dreaded turning all of his filming lights on.

All the negative comments he'd received on his last video passed through his head, making him want to leave the room and forget filming. He took a deep breath and turned the room light on. Stepping away from the wall, Charlie trudged over to his desk and sat down. He let his eyes wander around his desk and set up. When they fell on his camera, his insides ran cold.

He swallowed with difficulty. Shaking his head slightly, Charlie opted for turning on his computer first. Once open, Charlie explored the Steam store. He scanned the games available, nothing jumping out at him.

Maybe I just shouldn't record. I'm no good at anything anyways. His mind reeled, re-reading all of the comments on his latest video.

Maybe the comments have gotten better since I checked.

Charlie closed Steam and opened YouTube. He navigated to his most recent upload and stopped, his mouse hovering over the comments. He swallowed again.

Did he really want to see what they were saying?

Before he could go back, he clicked down on the mouse. The comments loaded quickly. He scrolled through and instantly regretted it.

There were nice comments, sure. There were plenty of comments saying he was hilarious, that he'd brightened someone's day, that he was cute, and so on. But there were also nasty comments, and those were the ones that stood out to Charlie.

He scrolled through them, his self-esteem plummeting as he did so. He began blinking faster as his eyes became misty. His hand floated up to his chest, which had become a bit tight. He read another.

You've reached the end of published parts.

⏰ Last updated: Dec 30, 2020 ⏰

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