Love In the Times of Corona

Who Is She?

My heart felt heavy, and my shoulders felt like they were carrying a lifetime burden. I had been through this numerous times; falling for someone and then seeing them be with someone else. How often will you be extra in someone's primary love story, the option no one picks? When are you going to be the hero that takes the heart away? I guess, in my case, never. Let me tell you a bit about myself, my name is Ash, and I am obese. I am 25 years old and do not have my life in order. I have always seen people I care about loving others and treat me as their cute chubby friend. I am tired of being that cute chubby friend. I am tired of being friend-zoned. I am the guy everyone sidelines. Right this moment? I feel like I have no one. The girl I liked met me and went off to get married to some other guy. Wait, let me tell you about what happened first.

A few days ago, I was casually having dinner at the dining table with my parents when I got a WhatsApp notification from her! I immediately smiled. My mum looked at me weirdly, and I knew she would say something.

"Leave your phone and focus on your food; you always do this. What is the point of eating cold food? Do not ignore your blessings!" my mum angrily told me.

I shook my head. Nothing was going to ruin my good mood.

"Acha, mama," I told her, then kept the phone away. My mum is a feisty Punjabi woman, and you do not mess with Punjabi females. They are ruthless. My mum has a heart of gold, but she can be furious sometimes. She can put you in your place. I was in no mood for that, so I quietly ate my food, took my phone to my room and sat on my office chair.

Her message was begging to be opened and read. I couldn't wait any longer, so I opened WhatsApp, and there it was. It said:

I've booked my tickets; I am coming, yaar!

Oh my goodness, I couldn't believe my eyes. This could not be happening. Afshan was coming to Dubai? Wtf? Over the past few weeks, she said her sister wanted her to come to Dubai to see her. Still, I did not realise that she would listen to her sister and book the tickets. I had emphasised that it would be nice if she came, and her sister would be happy to see her. I did not tell her I wanted her to come so she wouldn't suspect my feelings towards her, but I kept using the sister angle. Now it was right in front of me, at the top of the screen under Afshan's name ...is typing, like OMG, she was online and typing up a second message to me.

My phone vibrated, notifying me that she had sent whatever she was typing to me. I reluctantly opened her chat window and read her message. 'I cannot wait to see you, Ash.' My heart dropped. As much as I wanted to see her, I did not at the same time. I could see her online, and my gut instinct told me she was waiting for me to reply in excitement. It felt like my hands had frozen and become numb. I was shaking and shivering. I put the phone down on my desk and tried calming myself. A thousand thoughts went through my head; honestly, I did not want her to see me as much as I wanted to see her.

# # #

I had anxiety at the thought of this beautiful woman laying her eyes on my fat self. Afshan and I had been speaking to one another online as friends for two years, and I had developed a crush on her since I had accepted to help her with photography. She was one of my ex-friend's ex, and it was a messy affair. The friend in question, who I do not speak to anymore due to reasons best kept to myself, did not treat Afshan well, and I used to hear stories from my ex-friend about their fights and arguments. So whenever I heard stories, I thought Afshan deserved someone much better than Faiq.

Faiq even told me when he had breakup sex with Afshan in Paris, and it made me angry. I bet not every boy does that, but all of my guy friends have this terrible habit of discussing their sexual and romantic exploits. And so I hear about how Faiq, Afshan and a few mutual friends went to Paris and whilst there, the two had sex even though they had broken up. They had sex even after returning to the UK, even though they were now only friends. It had made me swell up with rage at the time, but I did not understand why. I later realised it was because I had started to develop feelings towards Afshan by hearing about her and seeing photos of her courtesy of my friend.