Wanting Santana

A plan that's bound to hurt some people

Brittany POV

"So Q, what do you think I should do about this?"

Quinn scrunches her eyebrows together, and I can practically hear her think. She has to come up with some kind of plan, because I don't want to lose San. However, I'm also sick of hiding all the time and it needs to stop. 

Last weekend I did some thinking, and I have come to the conclusion that loving San is causing me so much pain. Don’t get me wrong because Santana is the best thing that has ever happened to me, but having to share her in public is slowly killing me. It’s kind of like giving a little kid a piece of candy and telling them that they can’t eat it. That’s the way I feel about our relationship. I’m so close to having her as my girlfriend, out and proud, but still she insists on hiding our love.

All I know right now is that I can't keep on sharing Santana, it’s hurting me too much. It kills me when I see San with somebody else in public, particularly when we're at a party and she's making out with some random guy. I just don't get why she can let a guy whom she doesn't love kiss her in public, but she can't kiss me in the open. I'm her girlfriend; it's my job to kiss her in public. At least I wish it was.

Of course, I understand that it's scary for her to show everyone that we're in love because we're two girls. Especially since we both live in Lima, and Lima is not very open-minded, but she has to realize that she can't hide forever. She can't hide us forever. I want to marry her one day, you know. In fact, if I ever want that to happen, then she'll have to tell her family and friends about our relationship. With this in mind, I want to help her do that.

All of a sudden, I realize that Quinn is waving her hand in front of my face because I was staring blankly ahead. I guess I just got lost in thoughts. Anyway, I should probably listen to what she has to say since I'm the one who asked her to help me out in the first place. "So what do you think, Britt?"

"I'm sorry Quinn; I didn't really pay that much attention. I guess my mind drifted off again. Can you please repeat it once more?"

She gives me a genuine smile before starts explaining it to me one more time, "So Brittany, I thought maybe you should try to make her jealous the same way that she makes you jealous. Because you said to me that it kills you when you see San kissing someone else to hide your relationship, so maybe you should do the same. That way, she might realize how much hiding your feelings and love for each other, is really hurting you."

"So what are you saying, Quinn? Because honestly I don't understand, do you want me to cheat on Santana?"

She quickly shakes her head and clarifies, "Of course not, I mean, you should kiss some random guy when you're at a party, so maybe she will get jealous or feel the pain you feel when she does that. While in the meantime I think you should flirt with guys and girls in public whenever Santana is around. I know that it sounds harsh, but we have already tried to convince her to come out by just using words of encouragement. Besides, we both know that, that plan didn't work out and it won't any time soon. I mean, I'm her best friend and she couldn't even tell me. If I hadn't walked in on you guys, I probably wouldn't have known yet."

I still feel bad about not telling Quinn right away, she's our best friend and she deserved to know from the beginning. So I apologize, "You know how sorry we are for not telling you, Q. San was just so scared that you would be disgusted by us, or stop being our friend. I know that it sounds ridiculous but she was struggling with her sexuality at that time. She still is actually, and I wanted her to tell you herself because you're her best friend and you deserve to hear it from us. But don't get me wrong, because I knew that you would support us. San just needed more time to tell you, and I just chose to respect that. I hope you can understand that."