TODAYS MOOD: DEPRESSED
I have to see my dad tomorrow.
I dont want to see my dad, i dont like my dad. hes done nothing for me. but sometimes i miss him. i mean dont get me wrong hes a shitty person but it was good to at least pretend he could be there for me and now hes gone so i dont even get that. so im crying.
not because i dont have a dad anymore, but because im lonely.
and because i dont think these meds are working
regardless, my daddy issues are showing and i have avoidant attachment issues
which really fucking sucks. like really, really fucking sucks
i dont have any friends other than yall, and the 2 people in my real life i can associate with
even then i dont feel completely comfortable around
i also really fucking hate my therapist. like i cant open up to her about anything. therapy does not help me n like,, idk i rely on my meds to keep me alive but they dont rlly work.
And my room is EXTREMELY HOT ive been trying to sleep for 3 hours but i cant because i start sweating so ive been watching grays anatomy n like ive never liked owen but now that hes like "cheating" on christina i like him less? she deserves more. there was also this rlly fat guy that had an interesting surgery. and SHARK HOOK. im waiting for another major disaster tho, those are the most interesting.
in conclusion, i'm trying rn. im going thru another depressive episode (if it hasnt been obvious) ily n um i kinda actually mean it when i say that because you not only took me back after a year of me being gone but u dont treat me any different now. unlike my old friends who dont talk to me anymore now that server died. i miss jos, and trent, and reya, and nuel. it sucks that i saw them all dip. BUT MY BIRTHDAYS SOON SO !!! CAKE ok xoily
TODAYS MAD THOUGHT: IF TWO DOWNIES INBRED WOULD IT HAVE A REVERSE EFFECT? WOULD THEY COME OUT LIKE GODLIKE
