The state that I'm in. (BEING EDITED)

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“She’s in labour”…

“Of course Harry, go …go..” I encouraged him.

“I’m sorry…I need to…I need to go…” he couldn’t find the proper words and neither could I. I couldn’t exactly process what he had just uttered.

“Sure…sure…go…go” I repeated.

He collected his keys, his jacket and wallet and made it to the door before I called him one more time.

“Harry…I hope everything turns out fine…I hope you have a healthy son” I said meaning it.

He turned towards me and came in for the warmest hug. He just needed to know that it was OK. That despite everything going on around us we were OK. He pecked my lips a couple of times looking at me lovingly.

“I love you, I love you, I love you…I can say that all day” he admitted adoringly.

“I love you, too and I’m here if you need me, text me with whatever OK? If your parents want to come over for a quick rest or whatever…I don’t know…I’m just here for you, OK?”

“OK”

“Don’t mention what happened last night to them or Nadia’s family. Don’t taint this special day with that, baby, yeah?”

“I promise” he reassured me.

He kissed me one more time and headed to the door. I could sense his excitement blended with worry, apprehension, stress even. Opening the door he turned…

“I wish he was ours…” he confessed and I froze while he closed the door and made his way to the hospital.

Did he just wish he had a child with me instead of her? But I didn’t want a child, not yet at least. If I did though, I would definitely want his but that wasn’t in my to do list any time soon.

Filled with worry as well, I cooked something for both of us for when Harry got back, I tidied the apartment and was about to bake some cookies when Rose unlocked the door.

“Are you decent?” she half- laughed.

“In the kitchen” I answered.

“Smells good in here, Val. Where’s Harry?” she asked worriedly realizing his absence. I assumed she thought we had a fight and he left.

“His wife is in labour…” I replied rather dryly “he had to go.” I was simply adjusting to the new situation and what that meant for us…

“Don’t be like that, Valerie” she spat. “Don’t be a bitch! She is not his wife and she has never been. If you chose him, be there for him” she defended him and I loved her for it.

I smiled at her. She was such a kind person and definitely my rock. I stopped cutting the butter in cubes, put the knife down and turned to face her, my expression softer.

“Rose, I didn’t mean it like that. I was simply trying to explain. We are cool. We talked. I love him Rose. I know I do. I support him 100%”

“Good” she exhaled and sat down. “That explains the baking. You are fucking worried”

“I am” I said honestly.

As I continued mixing the cookie dough, preoccupied with my thoughts and what all this meant, the door bell rang.