The Suicide Hotline

Chapter One

Since as long as I can remember, I have always been trapped... I was trapped in my own mind, trapped with my own fears and insecurities, and now I was trapped in this boring, lonesome hospital room.

I was forced to listen to my heart beat on the EKG machine. I hated the sound of it. It shouldn't be beating. I shouldn't be here.

"You're awake!" The nurse chimed and walked into my room.

Yeah.. don't remind me. i didn't reply out loud and tried my best to ignore her. She was writing some things on her notepad. She came to my bedside and smiled at me.

"Miss.. You're a miracle." She remarked. She was far too cheerful for this job.

"I am not!" I barked. My voice was choppy and strained. She ignored my complaints and continued her job.

The room turned quite as the nurse left the room. I wasn't complaining, but at least her annoying optimism could silence the raging thoughts in my head.

As I continued to look around at the bland interior of the hospital room, my thoughts escalated.

I jumped off of the Golden Gate Bridge, I should not be alive. I should be dead! I thought to myself.

I looked out of the big long window in my room and stared off into space. I started counting the various buildings until I heard a voice that I was dreading to hear.

"What were you thinking?" The voice scolded. I turned around and my mother was standing at the hospital room door, looking as stern as ever. I mentally sighed.

"Mom I-.." I started to reply, but was cut off.

"Don't mom me." She snapped. She was unreadable.

"Mom, I'm sorry." I looked at her and she started crying as she walked into the hospital room. She sat in the chair beside my bed. She glanced at all of the machines and tubes running in my arm and cried some more.

"Mom?" I asked. I was getting nervous. I felt bad for her, but at the same time I did not want to have a confrontation today. She sighed in between sobs and looked at me. Her eyes were full of despair and pain.

"Do you know what it feels like to be watching the news and to see a headline saying "Damaged Teen Flees by Jumping Golden Gate Bridge"? And when you look closer, it's your daughter!" She cried.

They didn't even get the headline right. Stupid news broadcaster.

"No I don't." I whined.

"You don't know what I was thinking. I thought I lost my baby." She replied. She started crying again. She grabbed my hand and rubbed her thumb on my fingers. Her eyes were glossy, and as she looked at me, I felt like she was looking into my soul. As if she was searching for a reason behind this whole ordeal.

I turned away from her. I couldn't have this conversation now.

As she stood up and walked over to the room door, she sighed. She put her hand on the doorknob and gently pushed the door to.

"You're not making this any easier." She said nonchalantly.

"Making what easier?" I asked. My teeth gritted with annoyance. 

"I didn't want to tell you this way. I wanted to sit down with your father, so we could discuss this."

"Discuss what?"

"You're going to therapy. You're joining a brother-sister partner program with the high school."

"What?"

"The program will assign you a partner and they're supposed to help when you feel like... how you felt when you.." She trailed off.

"The hell I am!" I yelled. She put her hand up.

"You're already signed up."

"You can't expect me to talk to a stranger about my problems! You can't expect me to do this bullshit. I'm not doing it!"

"I'm the mother. You're the child. You don't have a choice." My mother replied.

"This isn't fair!" I whined.

"Do you wanna know what's not fair?!"

Here we go.

"What isn't fair is having your daughter taken away from you because she refuses to accept any help?!" My mom yelled. The sadness in her voice was evident.

"It's deeper than that." I suppressed a mumble and sighed.

"What was that?"

"Nothing. I'll do the program and I'll see the therapist, but I'm not going to like it."

"Thank you. It means a lot. And sweetie?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry for ignoring you all this time.. The signs.. I should've known.."

"Don't worry about it."

My mom looked away, but I could tell she smiled. She reached over the bed and hugged me, but accidentally hit my IV.

"Ow!" I cried.

"I'm sorry." She awkwardly tried to get back up without hurting me again. I turned around and began to zone out.

It felt nice to be with my mom right now. I hated life, but I did care about her a lot.

"Jasmine?" My mom asked.

"Yes mom?"

"I love you." She grabbed my hand again.

"I love you too."

Authors Note- Next Chapter is A Shortened Version of Her Entire Hospital Visit, to keep the story going :)