INTRO:
I hate Christmas, the whole lot of it. The cheeriness, the songs, the presents, the family time. The family time....... i sure do miss it. An orphanage is not the best place to celebrate Christmas. Its not the ideal place to spend any holiday. But when its all you have... i guess its better than other places. But when you have been here long enough you sort of learn to carry on with the holidays as normal days. But being here isn't why i hate Christmas. I am 14 and I have been here since December 21, 2005 when I was 7. Why am I here is what the kids ask me? But I can't awnser that. Its not something to be relived. But this year im hoping will be different. Maybe I'll even make a friend.
Unlikely though. I go to school with many people however I have not made one friend. There is a freak in every school, the odd one out, the one who doesn't fit in.
That kid is me.
I have tried countless times but other girls don't like football, soccer, or anything physical other than their physical appearence. And i haven't tried fitting in with guys because, well one girl and alot of guys.... not a good ratio.
So im the one in the background. The one who is teased, the one left out on "inside jokes", and sleepovers. The first day of school this year one of the "popular" girls walked up to me. I was bracing for some cruel joke. But instead i was met with a smile, and asked friendly questions. I had a nice chat with her until this question...... " So whats your name?" at that point the smile on my face left. She didnt know who i was. She didnt know i was the akward one that she had made fun of on countless occasions. Then it hit me.... She thought I was new. Had i changed that much over the summer? Had I all of a suddenly become " popular" material?
I didnt ever want to be like them. I knew how it felt to be bullied i didnt want to bully someone. I was tempted to tell her a different name then my own. But i didnt want to be friends with her. She was an evil coniving snake. I didnt want to be friends with her, i suddenly wished we hadnt had the passed conversatin, i didnt even want to be oriented with her. She was a witch that would turn her back on me. Full of fury I couldnt stand to be in her presence. I didnt want to be seen with her. So i walked away hoping to give her the message to never talk to me again or i would cave in her skull with a rock. I really needed to go outside with my soccer ball and kick the heck out of it. I couldnt believe the vain that girl had. I needed to find out her name and fast so i could avoid her....... this was going to be a long year i realised at that moment....... and a long year it had been.
Now it is christmas eve and i am eagerly praying for a myricle. Maybe santa would help me find a friend or better take me with him. I have a hole in the roof of my room but im not cold it is extremely warm for winter. Through the hole every chritmas eve i watch for santa. But i always fall asleep. But tonight as i stare up at the sky some thing is different. The sky is black... there is no moon only a single light flying across the sky.... a shooting star. And then being my childish self i did what any other person like me would do.........
" I wish I wish with all my heart upon the star so quaint so bright that soon i shall have a friend to speak with, to tell the truth, to hold me up upon the depths of my own heart. "
Call me crazy if you will but do not tell me that it is worth nothing because someone heard me maybe not the kids in the orphanage or santa. But that star heard me clear as that night. How do i know? Because i beleive in that quaint bright light.
