The Journey Towards Yourself

Chapter 11

I wanted to apologize for the SUPER long wait! I have been so busy managing school and sports right now! Thank you for your understanding and don't forget to like and comment!

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"Gwen come on. Get out of the bathroom! Jackson didn't mean what he said. He is just frustrated right now! Gwen honey please." Carlene's voice illuminates through the bathroom door of our shared room.

My fingers gripping the sides of the sink as my breathing is deep and shallow. Afraid to look up into the mirror above me, my head stays staring at the laminated tile floor. The tears pricked at the sides of my eyes. What's left of my mascara is smeared across my cheeks.

My head is swirling with different thoughts that are being thrown in all sorts of directions.

Why did his words sting me? I don't even like him.

Why.

I guess the question of the year is "why" and isn't that just swell. I heave up coughs and my back aches. The coughs burn my throat till I bend over and cough up something that looks like blood.

My elbows holding up all of my weight. My breathing hitches as I see a small glint of shine behind the shower curtain. I turn my head slowly as I calm my lightheadedness.

I let my weight fall from my elbows onto the cold hard floor, and I crawl over to the bathtub. My hand is shaking as I reach out for the object that has caused me so much pain and scars but yet has helped me through so much.

The razor fits in my hand just like it has before. Perfect. I study the item so carefully that it scares me. Scares me into more tears.

My insides feel numb. Lifeless. Dead. I set the razor onto my wrist and take multiple deep breathes.

That was probably the worst times for the door to burst open and have Carlene and 3 guards behind her. Everything turns into slow motion. Carlene running to hold me and that is when everything hits me.

I was getting better. I was eating. I was feeling more confident, and I didn't even have a negative thought until today.

The guards swooped me up and set me to my feet, but my they came out right from under me. The floor seemed so comfortable at that moment as the objects around me are just colorful blobs.

The only thing that I could actually make out was Carlene's face. Tears were running down her cheeks and her eyes didn't show the brightness that I see daily. They were dark and full of guilt. She was mouthing the word sorry, but I didn't blame her. She was there for me unlike anyone else was. She is the world's greatest friend and I couldn't ask for anyone better than her.

She shouldn't feel guilty. Jackson should.

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Before I knew it I was sitting in Dr. Lorraine's office in an awkward silence. Not because I was forced to talk about what had happened but because she didn't look the same.

When I walked through the large door I didn't even recognize her. Her hair was cut off and she appeared a lot thinner than I had last seen her. That was 20 minutes ago, and we haven't exchanged any words except our hellos.

Her eyes seem a lot less beady too. She seems less motivated to get answers from me and it makes me feel...well, I guess you could say, a lot more safe than usual.

You could definitely cut the tension with a knife. So that is what exactly I cut it with. "So cancer?" I instantly regret saying it, but Dr. Lorraine's shows no emotion towards my question.

"Miss Summers, this session is not meant to discuss my medical issues, this is to help you through yours," she informs me.

I really didn't expect that answer.

"Now would you like to tell me what happened yesterday? According to the staff you were in the bathroom with an object you no longer are allowed to possess." I roll my eyes at this one. It wasn't even my razor.

I, of course, don't mention this information to her for reasons that I do not know. She nods and writes some words on the loathed notepad, and moves onto the next question. "Do you want to tell me what lead you on to using that object in an unnesacary way?"

I don't. I really don't. but I know I should. Dr. Lorraine is trustworthy. At least she is hired to be because if she mentions anything I say in this room to the outside world. She will be fired.

"Can I get some air?"

"Of course."

I walk outside into the hallway and start to walk towards a room where I know a guy is in that I can say anything too.

Just as I am about to turn Derrick's doorknob a voice is heard behind me.

"Gwen?"

I turn around to see Jackson standing tall and handsome in his leather jacket. Well this is just great.