Chapter One (One shots)

Chapter One I can't do this. I can' t do us.

The next morning I saw her. Although she was smiling her eyes looked as thouh they could be nothing but empty. Her eyeliner was messy, and her foundation was patchy. Which was odd as she never wore makeup beforehand. I noticed those small things, like the way her black dyed hair shone brown in the sunlight. And how when she would laugh, she would fall and stumble all over the place.

Even after the worst of times I still noticed those unimportant things. Although they meant everything in the world to me. Like how she wore a long jumper, although it was almost thirty five degrees. And I noticed, that she noticed, that I noticed. Ha...She must have brought out her blades again. These little things that brought us together was slowly pulling us apart. Ripping out the stitches one by one.

I noticed she was reading "Americana", a book that we both were going to read. I asked her on where abouts in the story she was up to. Her answer was slow, and drawn out. As if it was incredibly difficult to describe what happened in a few sentences. Obviously it was hard for her to talk to me. I slowly moved away and waited for someone else to turn up.

I once told her my secrets...and she told me hers. I told her that I pretend to be the jock that I am. Pushing away all my thoughts and laughing. In return she told me about her depression. Which she said may or may not exist. I knew she was lying. I could see it in her face, every day. Walking down the hallways, wide enough for five. We were a group of six; She was always the one who was left out. Always the one behind. I never went and talked to her when that happened. I should have. Then at least she would have been a bit happier.

Gradually through the morning, the rest of our group arrived. As soon as someone else appeared a smile grew across her face.
Jumping up and giving them a tight hug, spilling out details of her weekend. She didn't tell me. Everyone but me. Probably because in a way, it was everyone but her.