Love Was Written In Blood

An Intro *its fine if you don't read, I get it 😔*

So, it was after school on a Thursday and I just got off the bus at my stop. I watched as the bus drove away, waving back to some of my friends who we're saying goodbye to me for the last time. I love them and I knew I'd miss them a lot, but at that moment, all I wanted to do was go home and pack.

I was moving. Not very far, like, at all, but far enough that I had to move schools and ditch most of my friends, only seeing them on special occasions or planned hangouts.

And yes, don't worry, I did cry when I got home, so I'm not totally heartless, but overall I was pretty happy to leave.

Our old house, the one I lived in for 7-ish years, was nice, but my mom just had another kid- she has 5 now. My brother, my sister, me, then my newer younger siblings, only a year apart in age, my two youngest sisters. We didn't have enough room, especially since my sister and I could not share a room anymore. We've both got our own stuff and one dinky room just wont cut it. Plus, the babies were sleeping in my parents room since the first one was born. Pretty sure they want space too.

We got a house a little bigger, with four rooms, not three. Since my brother was moving out to live with his gf there was only two rooms shared, the babies and my parents, so neither minded.

Nut thr house wasn't the only reason I wanted to leave so badly.

The new house is in Hudgens, just a few towns over. That's where I'd start fresh.

I'm not gonna hold back when I say this, but I did not have a good rep back at home. I mean, I've changed a lot, but I'm still mostly the same in the eyes of literally anyone who grew up with me and I'm done pretending I'm not.

I was in a group of friends for a long time that more or less destroyed me. I liked them at first, but as soon as they were comfortable with me, they didn't let me go. They made it very clear to me who I was in comparison to them, so I let it stay that way for more than two years. Eventually, I realized I wasn't happy. These people weren't good enough for me. They bossed me around non-stop, but the idea of leaving them threw me off. They led me to believe I was nothing without them. I was directionless.

But I broke out. I hardly remember how or when, but I did and I refused to go back. And I understand how generic of a situation this is, but I dare say this was the exception. I did things I'd never do on my own because they told me to or made me feel like I wasn't good enough if I didn't do them, even if they went against my morals. Mentally, I got in a really bad place. They were relentless with the shit they did towards me at school, which messed ne up even more. But eventually it died out and soon I found myself alone with only a few friends I only saw in some classes and on the bus. But I never had more than two or three friends at a time because of who I used to be associated with.

The reputation I got from being with them lasted. At the time, I'd just do whatever they did, so its only fitting that i was bundled into it. The drama they were in was my drama too, and the rumors they started were automatically my doing as well.

But at least I know I'm not alone in being avoided by the general school population, because they're all facing the same treatment.

So now, its my goal to just restart. I want to be normal, which, I know, sounds stupid as hell. But believe me when I tell you that the majority of my anxiety is due to the stupid shit I got into- things I'm reminded of and remembered by constantly. Now was my chance to do something I hadn't done since elementary school- blend in with the crowd.

After an hour of tears, I finished packing the last of my stuff and helped everyone else with the rest of the house until nearly midnight. My dad just finished sweeping, my sister was hugging her friend who happened to be our neighbor goodbye and I was taking a piss in the bathroom for the last time.

I stood at my vanity mirror as I washed my hands, watching my reflection as if it would inspire me, when really, all it did was distract me. I watched my black eyes for a second before looking me up and down. Same short, tight coiled hair. Same dark complexion under the same basic bitch clothes. Same nose, same ears, same eyebrows- well, actually, I need to tweez them- the only thing that would change was... A lot. I sighed and left the bathroom, almost forgetting to turn the light off, and I marched downstairs to leave.

I had my backpack slung over my shoulder as I said goodbye to my house for the last time. I wish I could say it was touching and tear-worthy, but all I was tired as hell. All I could think walking out the door was "bye, bitch. I'm gone" from a dumb roblox vine.