HaruDam | gold rush

but i don't like a gold rush

Gleaming, twinkling, like sinking ships on waters. That's how Yedam would describe Haruto's eyes. They're so inviting, Yedam almost jumps in every time he sees them. Who doesn't?

Haruto is the campus heartthrob, just a glance from him and girls (and boys) just faint. Pitch black hair falling into place like dominos, shining eyes with a mysterious capability to draw people in then trap them there forever, his nose isn't that type of straight typical nose, but how strange it is when it goes perfectly with his face, and those lips of his, they haunt their victims every night in their dreams. Not only his face is dream-like, but also his body proportion. With that body of his, he can turn just anything into high fashion and anywhere into his very own catwalk. And his freaking deep voice is just the cherry on top, it's really not helping anyone when he always performs at the university music festivals. Everybody wants him. Yedam included. What must it be like to grow up that beautiful?  Yedam sometimes wonders.

But Yedam doesn't like a gold rush, he doesn't like anticipating his face in a red flush, he doesn't like that anyone would die to feel Haruto's touch. Yedam wants something real, not an illusion, not the false hope that he could keep Haruto's heart forever. Yedam knows, people like Haruto, they don't settle down, if they ever got together, Haruto would eventually leave, the end of their relationship would be inevitable, they want different things. Moreover, Yedam doesn't want a relationship that is always threatened, because he has seen it, when Haruto was dating Jeongwoo, people didn't stop flirting with him, and Jeongwoo was miserable because of it, so it ended. Yedam wants a stable relationship, in which every moment is golden, in which even the most simple thing can turn into their love's symbol. With Haruto, everything feels like a gold rush, a string of false hope made by the flawless Watanabe Haruto, a nightmare dressed like a daydream.

Everybody wonders what it would be like to love Haruto. Yedam hears people talking about this topic everywhere, in the cafeteria, under the big old tree in the middle of their campus, in their dorm rooms, hell, Yedam heard his roommates talking about it once or twice. But from what he has seen (and heard), it's a rocky road which looked like a golden one at first, until the pressure starts sinking it, everyone's talking about your boyfriend, with envy in their voices, some don't even hide their intention of stealing him from you, and at some points, you can't stand it anymore, things end.

Yedam saw how desperately people want Haruto. They walk past him with a smile on their face, a flirty one, wink at him, some try to crash into him, just to feel his touch. Yedam rolls his eyes at these kinds of scenes everyday. But it is true that he himself sometimes imagines he and Haruto together, Haruto's hand on his face, his hands wrap around the other's waist, his soul gets sucked into those beautiful eyes of Haruto. Yedam wants to fall for him, so bad. But he doesn't like slow motion double vision in rose blush, because he knows all the pretty things about Haruto, about being in a relationship with the campus heartthrob, soon will fade away when he realizes it comes with a price, one he isn't willing to pay. He doesn't like that falling feels like flying until the bone crushes. In this case, it's his heart that would be crushed. He doesn't like a gold rush.

Despite all that, at times, Yedam would see himself padding across Haruto's wooden floor, wearing Haruto's t-shirt that he borrowed the night before, waking up with a delicious breakfast that Haruto cooked for him, their morning would be full of laughter and Yedam couldn't be happier. He sees them in Haruto's red Maserati, wandering around a coastal town, he would roll down the window just to breathe in the salty wind, and if the wind didn't mess up his hair already, Haruto would ruffle it and Yedam would let him. And the coastal town they wandered around had never seen a love as pure as it. But then it fades into the gray of Yedam's day old tea. Because you know it could never be.

Yedam snaps himself out of his fantasy, every single time. He can't let those pretty dreamy things about Haruto fool him, it must feel nice to fall in love with someone as ethereal as Haruto, until the inevitable heartbreak. Yedam can't let that happen, he won't take that risk, so he ignores how he feels about Haruto. He can't dare to dream about him anymore. And the coastal town we never found will never see a love as pure as it.

Yedam takes a quick glance at Haruto, they are studying together in the library. Because it will never be. Yedam smiles to himself, shakes his head and is ready to head out.

- I'm going, Ruto.

- Yes, hyung. See you later.

So inviting, I almost jump in.