Hypnotised by drums (TW fanfic - Book 2/4)

Part Thirty

Siva’s POV

I run down the street, in an attempt to find some kind of purity. My head is spinning! I don’t even know where I’m going and I don’t even care. I just need to get away from here, this place, the place that destroyed me.

I don’t even know what happened back there, which is the scariest thing. It’s like my memory just has a load of black gaps, but the bad memories remain, I would do anything to remember something good right now, something to make me smile, but every happy memory has been tainted, by lies and deceit.

How could Claire do this to me? There’s nothing left of the real me anymore, I’m a different person, a horrible person. How could I let myself get like this? I wish I could just disappear, so I can’t disappoint anyone else. I can’t even see through the tears, which insist on flooding my vision. I blink a few times, before the tear finally falls onto my cheek. I look around quickly, as I wipe it away. I hope no one saw that. I don’t want another stick for people to beat me with.

As I run across the bridge, which is just in front of town and as I do, I suddenly stop dead in the middle. I try to move my feet, but I physically can’t. It’s like someone’s holding me back. I turn my head to the right, where I notice the sparkling blue water, which flows below the bridge. Maybe someone’s trying to send me a message, maybe an angel or something. I finally manage to pull myself towards the edge of the bridge, where I place my hands on the rail and I lean over to look at the water. Maybe this is the pure thing I was looking for. This could be someone trying to show me that some things can be perfect. At that moment, I notice an old rusty trolley lodged in the water. Maybe everything has a bit of bad in it after all. I take a deep breathe, before stepping away from the edge again.

I never realised it before, but this world is evil. Being here makes humans cruel. It wouldn’t have been like this if we were still in the dark ages, with none of this technology and bitterness. Back then, it was simple. The purpose of life was simple, to reproduce, but now it’s complicated. Nothing is easy anymore and everyone just seems out of control.

I slowly sit down on the floor, against the rail and I can’t help but imagine myself falling through the back of it and slowly falling to my death, but that would be the coward’s way out, and I could never leave my potential child to that bitch. I don’t want her to taint their poor innocent lives, like she does everything else she touches.

“Excuse me?” I hear someone say. I look up to see an old looking man, staring down at me.

“What? You’re not that fat. It’s not like I’m blocking the whole path is it, now move along granddad!” I say harshly. As soon as the words have left my mouth, I throw my hands up to cover it. How could I be so rude? This isn’t me; this isn’t what I had planned for my life. I need to be the bigger person here and I need to try and find the real me again. “I’m so sorry. I’m just having a hard time of it” I sigh, as I put my head back in my hands.

“Well that’s alright, everyone has bad days. You just need to learn how to deal with them” he says, as he sits down next to me. I look at him awkwardly.

“Why are you being nice to me?” I ask him, as I wipe away one of my tears.

“Because, I see a bit of myself in you. I had a hard time when I was about twenty as well, but I learned to cope with it. Now what’s wrong, son?” he asks me, with a reassuring smile.

“My wife cheated on me, and now she’s pregnant, but she doesn’t know, I know” I sigh.

“Really?” he says, sounding slightly shocked, which just makes me feel even more insecure.

“Have you just come to gloat?” I ask him, in the hope he will say “No”.

“Of course not. I’m just surprised that’s all. The exact same thing happened to me” he says.

“How did you deal with it?” I ask him, eagerly.

“This” he says, as he reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a little bag of white powder.

“Is that” I start, but he cuts me off.

“Sherbet” he says, as he gives me a threatening look, before looking around to make sure no one is watching. He then leans over and shoves into my coat pocket.

“That fix is free, but if you want more, you’ll find me, under the bridge at 4PM tomorrow” he smirks, like he knows something I don’t.

“Ok” I say, not sure what to think of the whole situation.

“It’s good stuff. Try it. An easy way to do it, is to pile it up in-between your index finger and thumb and then snort” he then gets up and begins to walk away.

Once he’s out of sight, I stand up and make my way towards the trees, which are on the other side of the bridge. Maybe this is the escape I’ve been waiting for. Maybe he’s the guardian angel I was waiting for.

Once I get to the trees, I put my back against one of them, so I’m facing the water. I then get the little bag of powder out and I pour a small amount of it in-between my index finger and thumb, just like he told me to. I take a deep breath before slowly bringing my hand up to my face. It feels like slow motion or something. As I place my hand over my mouth, I sniff as hard as I can and I feel my brain begin to speed up.