The words I wish I said

Chapter I

Ive spent years clinging to my memory's of freedom imagining what i would feel when I finally made it back. Would i be happy? Angry? As hard as i try, i could never quite picture it. In the end i felt nothing, just the unforgiving cold of the winter air.

What is freedom anyway? Other than a story you tell to children before bed. I learn it the hard way, freedom is nothing but a con, a way to make people keep moving and enduring pain for your own selfish greed. Yes maybe I'm a bit selfish and make a lot of mistakes my biggest mistake is unbelievably selfish,but before i tell you what i did i will tell you why. You see my name was Y/N i was a normal blonde haired girl with green eyes and a big smile.well that was till it all happened, i got sick. it was nothing serious for a while it was just a cold but it kept getting worse and worse. Until they diagnosed me with, Parkinsons. I saw every doctor i could, nobody could help me. I was dying.

I was rich and very well respected by most, i worked in the art of film i used to act as superheroes, and mythical   creatures beyond most peoples attention span, considering it got shut down for obvious reasons the shows were never good i just did them for the money, see I'm selfish like that. Freedom was never something i got, i always wanted it but was never given to me. I would get everything i wanted whenever i wanted there was always somebody there to do it for me, but with parkinsons i was fighting my battles alone, my dad left awhile ago so he was never around and my mum well i rarely see her she works all day and all night i thought it was for me but she just could face me. I was just a kid when it happened. i was innocent. I was free.

It was a week before my 11th birthday when i was given the news that I only had a month left, its hard enough getting news your going to die then to be alone with no one there i was just a child sat in a bed waiting for death to come greet me. My birthday rolled around the corner while i wasted away in my bed my mum promised to visit but she never showed. I did get a visitor that day but it was definitely not my mum it was a boy about my age he was extremely charming, he had short black hair he would flick away from his face a lot, i had no idea who this boy was but that's not the strange part he didn't come through the door he came out of nowhere he was like my Prince Charming. I was obviously scared because i was young and ill but he came every week for a month he never missed a day his visits got more frequent the more we got to know each other, he would play with me and sing he had the most beautiful voice his name just as charming, Loki. he had a posh accent and said my name in a funny way but he was my first real friend. I would tell the other nurses about him but they never listened, Loki always listened he would come sing to me before chemo and tell me story's of a place he was from, he was air to the thrown of Asgard. and he had a brother but he would never visit because he thought Loki was abusing his powers by visiting me. I loved Loki he was the best thing that ever happened to me he taught me how to read and how to use the correct table manners he was my best friend. A month had passed Loki visited me everyday sometimes he would visited upsets because his father had yelled at him but even when he wasn't happy he made an effort for me, he never missed a day. until i did. My time was up. the illness had consumed me from the inside out it was a miracle i even lasted that long, i honestly used to think it was Loki keeping me alive but if so then I wouldn't of died.

Loki came to visit that day as normal he was so upset he had done something wrong and his father had hit him, he was really frustrated, so he looked for me he needed cheering up but I wasn't there he asked doctors and nurses they all said the same thing "I'm so sorry" Loki didn't know what that meant he had never experienced loss he was just a boy, until he asked were he could find me he made it to the morgue only to see my body laid on a table he bursted through the door tears throbbing down his face he dropped to his knees "NO NO NO PLEASE" tears were streaming down his cheek. Loki wrapped his arms around my cold ill body he whispered to me "its all going to be ok my love I've got you your going to be fine" he picked me up and held me tight whimpering and sniffling he screamed out a name which seemed familiar and then a really bright light shot right at us, just this traumatised little boy holding a decaying girl in his arms a man with a giant sword helped Loki to his feet and noticed the tears filling in his eyes Loki  ran, he sprinted straight down an alley he didn't even look back when he finally made it to a sketchy village where people were whispering and slipping through the shadows like magic. this is the place Loki told me about it was were all the outsiders live people who don't belong on Asgard but have nowhere to go. Loki scrambled through crowds until he found himself outside of an old church, he banged on the door so many times, he was tiered and struggling to breathe his short black hair covering half his face was sweaty and matted. A beautiful old lady opened the door and fell to her knees she scooped up Loki with my rotting body still in his arms.

Loki sat on a stool and was aided by the old lady he begged her for something i don't know what but she was not happy about it something about mortals and a lifespan,Loki grabbed me and begged the lady "Sheila please I can't lose her, i care about her." She held his had and replied "I know son, but you have to let her go." Loki jumped to his feet and stared her straight in the eye before bolting to the door as if he was trying to go through it, he was stopped by the bang of a long wooden stick shiela had been holding. Sheila looked down at her feet and nodded.

Loki placed my skinny frail body on a cracked oak table which stood in the middle of the church grounds, he stared down at me and whispered "I told you I'd always be here." He kissed me gently on my cheek and stepped back. Sheila scoffed and stared at me she had a look on her face like she was about to do something she would regret, she held my head and brushed through my long blonde hair she turned to loki and smiled "beautiful." The dark red blood soaked through my clothes and my eyes turned glossy as the little life left slowly drained out of me. Shielas eyes looked so scared yet so still she was killing a child. In my last moments my eyes begged for mercy the knife she put in my chest was killing me. Loki sat with his head in his hands, tapping his foot on the floor he was struggling trying to control his breathing until he heard a huge gasp for air. It was me. I was alive?