Establishment

Life isn't just something that spontaneously happens. No it takes two people, that's it. It's not necessarily two people who love, know, or even plan on talking to each other again. So I guess that's why it's so easy for those people to leave. They don't want you. You are merrily just a mistake that was never suppose to happen. They may even wish you were dead, never born. Your family see's you as a nuisance. I guess that's why it's okay that I'm treated like trash, like some kind of floor mat that you can walk all over there's no point in me trying to stay. These people are going to end up killing me even if they believe I was never meant to be here I was and I am going to keep on living.

Why is the question I always get asked or why was I ever born, why didn't I just kill you when I had the chance? You see my mother use to love me along with my father, until they realized I wasn't there ideal perfect child. I didn't do what I was told when I was told. I argued back tired of them expecting me to be this perfect child. The abuse started when I was in fourth grade, I remember it clearly. I was wearing my mint green button down shirt that was tucked into my white knee length skirt that had lace on the bottom. I had taken my shoes off when all the children were playing on the playground and instead of playing with those kids I wandered off. Next thing I knew I was standing on the school stage listening to the silent musicians I heard playing in my head and I started to dance. I went through a dance I've practiced a million times on my own in my room. After finishing with a curtesy I heard a faint clapping. It happened to be the teacher with the entire class. That's not what got me in trouble. No it was the fact that the teacher called my parents letting them know I had wandered away. Later that night my room door flew open to reveal my outraged father. I went to give him a hug to calm him down, you know why wouldn't daddy's little princess go give him a hug? He smacked me across my face then threw me on my bed and beat me then turned around and left.

Soon it turned into an everyday thing, then mother beat me. Later on when I got old enough father would bring his friends sons around and tell them to have at me. The boys were twins with dirty blond hair that blended into their olive color skin tone. Although that's not what scared me the most not their muscles that lined every inch of their flawless skin. It was their eyes, their eyes the green orbs that matched mine and showed me remorse. But only for a second because then one of them grabbed my sixteen year old body, bloody with my tangled hair that was too long to do any good and threw me into the bed. Would you like to know what they did next? No it's not what you're thinking they just simply hugged me and told me everything would be okay.

Those boys wanted to make my life amazing. I slowly began to fall in love. The absolute worst thing I could've done in my life. Those boys broke me, they broke me, I feel in love with those green eyes boys, I trusted them, I put everything I had to give those two boys. I thought they felt the same. That's where I went wrong. Those boys just wanted to break me as much as their father along with my father and mother did. I couldn't handle it so I let them have their way with my body. That night they left and they came back only to tell me they were leaving. I begged them not to, I got down onto my hands and knees and begged these boys to stay, to take me away with them, to bring me. I promised them I would do anything they wanted, why wouldn't i? I was a seventeen year old girl in love with these two men. I would do anything. I offered them an offer they couldn't refuse, so they brought me. I left my house at midnight that night and I never turned back.

The boys would come back every night with another girl. What I didn't know was they never slept with them. No they made it seem like they did to hurt me, torture me, to make me disgusted with them to see if I would leave. But I didn't still I stayed because I always said no matter what I wouldn't leave these two, no I couldn't it wasn't physically or mentally possible. Later that night when the two mystery woman left they turned to me. With nothing but kind, gentle expressions that is when I broke down crying. They were flustered to say the least they asked what was wrong, what had they done. When I told them that they broke my heart their eyes glassed over. Asking to know how, I told them that when they do those unspeakable things my heart gets torn apart. That's when they told me what they were doing that they weren't doing anything harmful. The first thing they did was apologize to me for everything, every single thing. But I couldn't believe them no I wouldn't believe them.

Why would I believe the boys who have been the reason that my heart mourns for the love it never had. I wouldn't cry myself to sleep, just to give myself the satisfaction that they couldn't bring me that much pain. No not that I wouldn't give them that power. That's right I would not give them the pleasure or the power to know the kind of control they have over me. Little did I know that the only power I thought I had was the one thing I never had in the first place. It was stupid of me to think that they didn't have a hold over me. Even if the both of them never tried they are the only thing that keeps me grounded on this messed up planet.