today ╱ jeongchan

010.

tw // brief mentions of alcohol and drinking.

The whole living room of Seungmin's apartment was in total chaos: the table that was previously filled with plates of foods now replaced by bottles of soju and beer for them to share; the sound of laughter mixed with excited chatters booming and the stench of alcohol filling the room packed with eight chaotic people.

"Baby Innie! I am not allowing you to drink. You can have this instead!" Hyunjin, in his slightly intoxicated state, pranced out of the kitchen to pass a pack of Yakult drink to the mentioned.

Jeongin whined, thrashing his arms ever so slightly in protest. Even so, he's not the biggest fan of the bitter taste of the alcohol but he decided to play along with Hyunjin. "Hyungie! I am old enough to drink!"

The latter shook his head firmly and Jeongin knew that it would be pointless to argue further, knowing how inane Hyunjin could get when he's drunk; all from the distant memories of their college days. With a sigh, he accepted the whole pack and slumped back on his seat.

And of course, Chan didn't miss the interaction between the two. After all, his eyes are almost always trained on the younger even with the slightest bit of effort. Like Jeongin is some kind of magnet that kept pulling every inch of his being, and Chan is far too gone to fight back. Each time, he will always find himself staring at the male more than he should; and even after getting called out many times, mostly by Han Jisung, he still wouldn't admit to it.

Chan couldn't help but glare a tad bit at the blonde male who is currently bickering with the younger next to him. His attempt to make it as subtle as possible was futile when Hyunjin's eyes suddenly met the elder's dark orbs; the former's eyebrows furrowing in silent queries.

Then, Hyunjin's lips turned into a teasing smirk a moment later, as if something clicked inside his brain. It was something as clear as the day that any human eye would recognize. The blonde kept his gaze at the seemingly tensed male for a hot minute before returning his attention to Jeongin.

"By the way, I don't think you've introduced me to your friend, baby Innie." Hyunjin made sure to put emphasis on the words 'friend' and 'baby' as if taunting the eldest was the best idea in the whole world.

The words uttered by the long-haired male earned a scowl from Chan, his jaw clenching even more at the pet name; mentally reminding himself not to use it anymore. He tried his best to bite back all the salty words his mouth could sputter any minute now. Jealousy is ugly, so is treading on a tightrope with no favourable options to choose from. And it doesn't help that Hyunjin is way too pretty for his own good.

With little to no self-control in him, he grabbed the untouched glass filled with liquids he knew he should not be drinking, downing it in one go. It burned. But he is far too upset to care and the bitter taste left in his tongue provided a scant amount of comfort to ease the throbbing pain in his chest. The precipitous action garnered worried looks from his two friends who was silently watching from the corner of the room. Silently looking out for their friend who ostensibly forgotten all the reminders he should be keeping in mind, twenty-four seven.

And of course, Jeongin remained oblivious through it all.

"Oh right!"Jeongin beamed, eyes twinkling in delight as he shifted a bit to face Chan whose eyes are glued on the glass as if it's the most interesting object existing in the world. The alteration made a room for Hyunjin to squeeze himself in the little space remaining on Jeongin's side, the former taking advantage of the situation and proceeded to wrap an arm around the latter's shoulder. To push things further, Hyunjin made sure to rest his cheek on the crown of Jeongin's head, the smirk never leaving his face, as if to mock the elder even more.

Chan can't help but swallow the lump visibly forming in his throat, his arm around Jeongin's waist ever so slightly loosening as though he is already announcing his defeat in a battle that has not even started yet. It stirred his insecurities to the brim. His stomach churned funnily because he knew that he was meant to lose from the start. But he is stubborn and he is pretty damn adamant to suppress everything.

Does Jeongin really treat his friends the same way? Does he kiss and hug them the same way he did with me?

The bitter thoughts that he desperately wants to stifle crossed his mind and for a moment, he was ready to run, because it's the only thing that he's good at. The situation with Hyunjin was like having a sudden reality check wherein he is, once again, reminded of his rightful place; that he is nothing more than a friend. He believed it was partly his fault, though he decided that this certain thought should be reserved for another night of tailspin that only the four black walls of his room should witness.

Nevertheless, he decided to set aside the destructing presumptions. He already had a week's worth of apprehension in one night and it's already affecting his overall mood and his health.

Everything is going to end soon, anyway.

"So, Jinnie Hyung, this is Chan Hyung. And Chan Hyung, this is my Jinnie Hyung..." Jeongin paused for a bit and made a face at Hyunjin while slightly poking his side. The exchange only lasted for a second or two, but Chan wasn't one to miss. There are days when he hated how observant he could get, and now is one of those times. Chan clicked his tongue in sheer annoyance. And unbeknownst to him, Hyunjin noticed it all, saw it all, knew it all. He was watching the elder closely as if he was some kind of an entertainer and Hyunjin was having the best time of his life.

"...he is my cousin and he is Seungminnie Hyung's boyfriend!"

"What?" Chan has never turned his head so fast in his life before; so fast that if the human body can break in a snap, his head would be long detached from his neck and his shoulders.

"What?" Jeongin titled his head confusedly, scratching his cheek as he stared back at the eldest with wide and questioning eyes.

"...your cousin? Seungmin's boyfriend?" Chan mumbled, mostly to himself, but the two before him didn't miss it. He can't wrap his head around the sudden revelation. All this time, he thought Hyunjin was a potential threat that would end his fantasies just by breathing next to Jeongin. And don't get him started with how clingy and touchy the two were. Chan concluded that over the course of hours he was with the whole group, he never saw Hyunjin be clingy with Seungmin. But that's mostly his fault for not paying attention and the only plausible explanations are: one, they are not Jeongin; two, his eyes are, in fact, always on Jeongin.

He is shamelessly admitting it now.

Hyunjin emitted a dramatic gasp before screaming to get his boyfriend's attention, who is currently chatting with Minho. The commotion amassing the curiosity of the remaining four pair of eyes.

"Holy shit! Seungmin! You owe me fifty bucks!" Hyunjin added before falling on the floor, laughing hysterically while clutching his stomach. It didn't take the others even a second to catch on what's happening.

Except for Jeongin who looked around like a lost child in the sea of crazy and unbridled teens.

"Hey, I didn't know! I'm sorry!" Chan countered defensively, his face heating up in embarrassment. He tried to hide his crimson cheeks by pressing his face into the crook of Jeongin's neck, eliciting noises in distress that is something akin to the sound of a dying animal. And if he used this as both an opportunity and an excuse to pull the younger closer, nobody has to know.

Above all, Chan is relieved. Comforted by the thought that Jeongin is his, even in the fleeting moment the universe would allow him to experience. He had never felt truly alive unless he is with the younger. Jeongin was the constant reminder of how nugatory it is to regret the things that have happened in his yesterdays, and that he has to put behind his qualms for the uncertain tomorrows.

Jeongin is someone Chan would willingly hold dear in his life, even in his last breath.

Because he knew that after tonight, a choice should be made. And he already did.

 

He is living today.