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     lord, oh lord, i pray that one day i will be granted your permission to walk upon the lands you call heaven. to pass the golden gates that only flawless individuals get the opportunity. for i've heard bountiless tales of the greatness you uphold, of each and every person you have saved. 

     however, sometimes i wonder; you place your angels onto the earth to live a life of wonders. you give them trials that only they can face. you reward them with something to make the struggle worth it. but sometimes i wonder, my lord, why you have granted me such a curse. where are the other angels who struggle as much as i. where do i fit into the mess of trial and errors, when i can only struggle. 

am i truly an angel who will be granted your praise?


now playing: time machine by willow

-telephones by vacations

-what you know by two door cinema club

-hold on by michael buble


     we read and re-read the same sorrow filled pages. ones telling the stories of heart break and the loss of love. we read those pages so many times that the words began to not make sense anymore. but, our three days of research and writing were up. our project is finished. 

     a five page paper describing each and every little inconsistent detail of romeo's death, juliet's tears, and her maid's consolation. i wrote the bulk of it, after i somehow wordlessly convinced kou to do the presenting portion for both of us. it wasn't perfect, but how could it be when the only one i had to edit it was a teenaged boy who has never used a comma in his life. it's miraculous that he's been passing up until this point. 

    the presentation, however, consists of a five page slide presentation and over 20 notecards. most of which i had also written to make some sort of contribution. 


    its a monday, the beginning of the week, and the day of our presentation. groups are chosen at random as our teacher pulls numbers out of a glass jar. at least three groups have gone already, and i would assume the information they spoke of was decent at the least from what i read on their slides. yet, it does no good to try comparing it to ours, i won't even be able to hear my own presentation. 

    looking over to kou, he doesn't look even the slightest bit nervous. he is leaned back in his chair, lanky arms flopped over the sides of his desk, eyes lidded at the slides on the screen at present. he almost looks like he will fall asleep at any moment. 

     i, however, am a jittery mess. my legs bounce up and down while my pencil is fidgeted from one hand to the other. what if i get points taken off of our grade for not speaking? what if my teacher asks me a question that i am unable to answer?

    without even a moment to calm myself, kou has pushed himself out of his chair and begun walking towards the front of the class. a few of my peers look back to me with expectance as i stay unmoving. my desk rumbles as i quickly shove my chair back and hobble over to kou who is already stationed at the front. kou stands calmly next to me, arranging the notecards in his hand. he is calm, but i can see that his face is morphed into that of confusion. suddenly, his hand whips the cards to his side and they are scattered on the floor. i nearly yelp out, making my first sound of the semester, at the atrocity that he had just created. every word he was supposed to say, gone. our grade, probably on a trip to the garbage disposal. 

    my feet stutter forward as i move to go collect them, but kous hand lands firmly on my shoulder to stop my in my place. with a nervous grace up at his face, i can see that he looks on. glancing around the room to each of our peers, his face is adorned by a confident smile. one that i realize i can't imagine him without. 

    the light behind us changes, singling the changing of a slide- and the start of our presentation. kou begins talking with a fury. words spew out of his mouth with personality, character. his hands move around as his explanations take form. illustrating our story in the very space before him, he acts out the scene of juliet's heartbreak.

    his hands drag down his face as alligator tears follow suit. "romeo, oh romeo!!" next, he falls to his knees and pounds against the floor. his face flinches into almost too realistic pain as his mouth mumbles out what i assume to be the script that we reread too many times to count. 

     my peers look on- some with wonder and some with fear- as kou has no intention of halting his actions any time soon. i wonder if i can do anything to add to his performance and not just stand here like dead weight. but what would i do? i am no such actor. 

     after at least a minute of inconsolable sobbing, kou pops back up onto his feet and motions toward the slide that had been stationary this whole time. his demeanor had changed drastically, he flickers a humorous glance over to me, now smiling calmly again and speaking slowly on the information presented on the board. 

    the next four minutes pass by in a flash as i can't even refocus myself on the presentation. soon enough, the class is clapping and the teacher is waving us away to make room for the next presentation. i smile with relief at the outcome. while i had felt so much anxiety over not speaking, it seems like everything went smoothly. 

    as kou begins to saunter back to his desk, and i follow quickly after, a hand in the crowd flies into the air. a student, two rows back, eyes blaring into mine, begins to ask a question. his mouth is moving too quickly for me to understand, some of his words are mumbled too much for me to even recognize it as a word. all i can do is stare on in a panic at the oncoming embarrassment. my joints lock, although all i wish is to escape back to my desk, and i stare blankly at the peer in front of me.

     his eyebrow quirks slightly as the seconds pass with no answer. and eventually he begins to repeat himself in frustration. yet, suddenly there is a hand on the small of my back which pushes me back towards the direction of my desk. i have no choice but to follow the motion, and as i arrive at my desk, i see kou back at the front of the room speaking quickly. he answered the question for me.

     i decide to lay my head on my desk for the rest of class, my embarrassment overtaking me. i can't meet anyones eyes. even when i feel the rumble of chairs on the floor, i stay unmoving in my seat to avoid the confrontations of many who had seen my monumental mess up. 

    a pat to the top of my head. it ruffles my hair. my eyes glance just above my arm which was previously covering them. i see a paper before my vision presenting a large "A". we had gotten an A on the presentation. and kou, the one holding the paper, smiles down at me with that same prideful smile that i've gotten so used to. 



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a/n: hello!!! its been forever, im sorry (again)... I've been supper busy with school and college applications and work. but, im currently in a writing class this year (and have decided that i want to go into a writing major) so i hope my writing will continue to better as you read. 

also thank you for 2k reads! this is the most i have gotten on any fanfic ever :)))

as alwaysss if you liked this chapter u can like and comment if u want <3

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⏰ Last updated: Oct 17, 2021 ⏰

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