Out Of Our Control (High School Shoey)

Ch 32- Fear

~LATER THAT DAY~

"Mom, I can't." I whisper with the phone up to my ear. I can hear the hurt and betrayal in her voice from my absence. It's been almost six months since I left home.

"Shane, please. Just come for a few minutes. Your father isn't here and he actually won't be back for a really long time...I'll explain the situation once you get here."

"Who are you talking to?" Joey asks, walking up behind me. He wraps his arms around me from behind me and rests his chin on my shoulder.

She: my mom. She wants me to go home today.

J: well I think that's a good idea. You haven't seen your family in a really long time. Will your dad be there?

Sh: she said no.

J: Well you should go then. You don't have to if you don't want to but it's your family. They need you and you need them.

Sh: can you go with me?

J: if it's okay with your mom

"Um, mom? Can I bring my boyfriend with me?"

"You have a boyfriend?" oh shit. I forgot I didn't tell my mom about Joey. I tell my mom about everything. Why didn't I mention Joey?

"Yeah. I can introduce you to him if you would like?"

"I would love to meet him. So you're coming over?" I crane my neck to look at Joey. He's giving me that you better say yes or I will make your day a living hell look.

"Yeah. We'll be there in fifteen minutes."

"I am so glad you're coming back home. I've missed you so much. I love you."

"Love you, too, mom." I press the red end button on my phone before tossing it on the bed. "You really want to meet my mom, don't you?" I ask Joey, turning around to face him.

"You talk about her all the time. You literally fangirl over her. I see the way your eyes light up with joy when you talk about her. You really do love her don't you?"

"My mom is my best friend. No matter how many times the bullies at school insult me or call me names, she tells me they are all lies and that I'm perfect just the way I am. No matter how many times my dad hits her or screams at her, she always tries to keep a smile on her face when I'm around. I know it's a fake smile but at least she tries. No matter how many people hate me, she'll always love me. God, I miss her so much." I turn away from Joey and quickly wipe the tears out of my eyes.

"What's wrong?" he asks, grabbing me by my waist so I can look at him.

"I'm just scared. I haven't been home in over five months and I don't know what to expect when I get there. I don't know if my brothers still live there or where my dad is or what mental or physical condition my mom is in. my mind just keeps going to the worst scenario and I can't control it."

"Well let's just hope for the best and prepare for the worst because you have to face your fears one of these days."

"My problem is that no one ever needed me as much as I needed them. Now my mom probably needs me and I'm not sure if I can even help myself."

"I need you, too, Shane."

"I just love how you lie just to keep me from getting hurt. Thank you." I pull away from him and walk away from him to lock myself in the bathroom until it's time for us to visit my mom.

Your choices are suppose to reflect your hopes and no your fears.

But I have no choice but to drown in my fears.