Your City Gave Me Asthma

Since I Saw Vienna

The beach used to be my safe place. It used to be a calm and simple place that brought my mind peace every time I ventured there. I miss when the beach was a symbol of peace, now it's a symbol of loss and regret.

There's a path behind my house that leads to the beach. It's hidden to anyone who doesn't know it's there. Trees have overtaken the path. Vines hang low, occasionally hitting you in the face if you aren't paying attention.

The waterfronts sand is fluffy in a way; it has a perfect consistency that flawlessly massages your feet. With the sun lying low the water explodes with glittering rays. Looking at the glistening water gives me a sense of nostalgia, security, and melancholy. Flashbacks spring through my head. Her face. Her voice. Her laugh. Her everything.

I met Vienna Marbrose at the beach. When I first saw her, I was angry. She was on the beach. This was my spot. Nobody else should be here. My brain told me to confront her. Run up to her and kick her out of my spot.

Step by step I inched closer to her. Even from a few feet away, I could smell her scent. Garden. She smelt like a garden. Her hair made perfect curls down her back. I tried to ignore her perfectness, I opened my mouth to speak loud, crude words at her. The moment I opened my mouth, she turned.

I froze. My brain skipped a beat, or two, or three; my brain skipped a lot of beats.

"Can I help you," I couldn't say anything. I was lost in her eyes. Her curves. Her voice. "Hello? Are you okay?" She stood up, towering over me by at least five inches.

"I-I was just coming to the beach to chill." I almost died of embarrassment. Who says chill anymore? Her laugh was like honey.

"Do you want me to leave? I can leave. I was just looking for a better place to watch the sun set." She turned towards the sun. Tonight was an especially beautiful sunset. It had a tranquil feeling mixed with the brilliant oranges and reds.

"No, I mean yes. No wait. You can leave if you want, but not if you don't want to. I'm fine with either. But I don't want to force you to do anything!" I bombarded her with my anxious whining. Anyone else would have left. I thought she would, but I didn't know how patient and kind she was.

"I think I'll stay, you know, to watch the sunset. Wanna watch with me up on those rocks, I was just about to head over there." Without my answer, she started to walk towards the rocks that bordered the beach. I composed myself and chased after her. I couldn't lose something so perfect too quickly.

Year after year, she returned. Year after year, I yearned for her. I knew in my heart she wasn't into me and she wouldn't ever be into a girl she saw for three months a year. But it didn't matter, I wanted her more than I'd ever wanted anything in my life.

School was torture. All I wanted to do was watch the sunset night after night with her. I counted down the days when she would return.

I never got any hints that she loved me back. She never touched me romantically or even platonic-ally for that matter. I never tried to touch her. I wish I could.

Her van pulled down the street. I cried out, Vienna was back. We ran towards each other in desperation. I jumped into her arms, knowing she would hold me. Her warmth entangled me.

The summer passed. It was our last night. I couldn't let it go to waste like I've done for years, always backing out at the last second.

I've liked her for almost four years, never showing anything of it. I was just about to explode. I've never been the courageous type, but when it comes to her, I would do anything.

My breath was shaky and my palms were sweaty. She was calm and composed like she usually was. The sun was lowering down under the horizon, dark light flooded the night sky.

I can't wait any longer for her.

"I have to tell you something. Don't speak, just listen. I've liked you, no, I've loved you ever since I saw you on that beach," I stood up, Vienna following. I tried focusing my emotion out onto the water, "I've loved every bit of you. You are ethereal in every sense. All I want is for you to be mine," I regretted it immediately. She just stood there, stunned. "I understand if you don't like me back. I know this might ruin our-"

Vienna stroked my cheek. I froze in surprise. Her finger was soft and light against my rough skin. I stared at her furrowed eyebrows. They were stuck in a trance of confusion and enlightenment. My hand made its way to her cheek. Unlike my skin, her's was smooth. I couldn't look away if I tried. She stared at my face with such concentration I was afraid my brain would fry.

"I love you, Alula Kahale. I love you with the force of a thousand suns. I am yours, I am completely and utterly yours. All of your desires, I will fulfill. For you, I will split the sea. You are my everything." She leaned in and kissed me with a passion I didn't know she had. My hand lingered on her cheek, her hand venturing down to my neck. Her lips tasted of cherry Slurpee and lemon. All I wanted was her, I made sure I got all of her.

Whenever I go back to the beach, I remember her dark rich hair. I remember her deep skin that shone brighter than the stars. I remember her soft words that wormed their way into my head, with vibrations that made me giggle.

It's been ten years since I saw Vienna. She didn't come back. I searched the entirety of social media for my Vienna. Nothing. I found nothing. She left me with an empty mind and a broken heart. She loved me with the force of a thousand suns, I loved every bit of her. I miss my everything.