Godsend

It Hurts Me All the Time

April 15th, 2015

James and I woke up early to get a start on the day with Lisa. We got up around six, took our shower, got dressed, grabbed our bags to carry food in, and went over to Lisa's. She was already up and ready by the time we knocked on her door. She smiled at me when she came outside and handed me a small four-pack of double A batteries.

"So we can all listen to music while we're in line."  She said, still smiling.

"You're our savior, tried and true." James said to her, his hands closed in prayer towards her.

I put the batteries in my bag and we all made for the inner city, towards the food bank, the early morning sun warmed our backs as we walked. On our way there, Lisa asked us questions about what it's like to live together; how we shower together, how we share a toothbrush, how we share a single sized bed. 

"We just don't really think about it." James answered to just about every question. He wasn't wrong, for the most part, the sharing was superficial. It just didn't matter.

We told Lisa that she would have to learn all the words to all the songs we knew, so that she could sing along when the MP3 ran out of batteries again. 

"No thanks," She laughed, "I didn't even get to sing when I was in choir in middle school. I didn't think they could bench you in choir. I'll just keep giving you batteries so that thing never runs out."

We laughed and joked a bit more, until we finally reached our destination. The food bank, which was a grocery store turned militarized zone, was about as packed as James and I had expected. The line stretched outside the door and across the street, people and their Godsends as far as the eye could see, all of them waiting for their next meal. I looked to James and Lisa.

"What do you think, like four hours, maybe?" I asked them.

"Something like that, but it's not like we have anywhere else to be." Lisa joked.

"We have batteries now though guys, batteries!" James did excited jazz hands to show his excitement.

We entered the line, joining up with everyone else, listening to the murmurs that flowed through the crowd. There were people talking in hushed voices, saying how scared they were that nobody would stop the dupe hunters. Others were saying they heard the military guys saying that the food was going to run out soon. Lisa asked me what would happen if the food ran out, I told her I had no clue. I didn't have the ability to make people feel better the way James could, which made me value his words so much more.

We sat down and listened to music, bobbing our heads to the beat, singing under our breath.

I watched you all succeed

with the highest marks in greed

from my cave where you're displayed

like photographs that bleed

Discard all feelings

the stars scar my ceiling

We stood only when the line would periodically move. Eventually, we got into the store, shuffling through the maze of lines, presenting our ID cards to the evidently not-starving people that were handing out the food. James and I were given a single loaf of stale bread, powdered milk, two cans of peas, and a wedge of cheese not nearly the size of the last one we had received. Lisa got even less than we did. Regardless of what we got, it was nice to have something. Walking out, James looked back at me and Lisa. 

"We came, we saw, we kicked ass. Let's get out of--"

Before James could finish, a loud scream echoed out from across the street. We jogged over to see what was happening when we saw an elderly black woman face down on the ground, a pool of dark red forming underneath her. The line scattered, everyone ran everywhere. Lisa grabbed my hand and I grabbed James' shoulder. We weren't sure where to go. About twenty feet down the street, I saw a man with a white bandana covering his face begin running towards a group that was fleeing. The man threw a bottle at the group, instantly setting them ablaze. I could hear the screams and smell the burning flesh.

"We need to go." James screamed above the crowd.

We sprinted in the direction of home. I prayed that none of them followed us.