My Soulmate || L.S ✔

27. What the fuck?

AN: A quick question, how did you find this book?

Harry's POV

I woke up feeling...numb. I didn't feel anything. It scared me until I remembered.

Then I was thankful. At least I didn't have to feel the pain anymore. Anything is better than the sadness I was feeling.

I heard my stomach growli. It makes sense. All I ate yesterday was a banana and a muffin.

I still didn't want to eat. I was hungry, so hungry. But I just didn't have any appetite.

I didn't feel like doing anything, especially eating. I didn't have the energy.

I got out of the bed. I looked at the clock on the wall. It was 3 pm. Again, makes sense. I fell asleep around 6 am. I couldn't sleep.

(That's literally me though. I go to to sleep around 5 or something and then wake up at like 2.30)

I stood in front of the mirror. I looked at the reflection and frowned. I didn't like what I saw.

I looked like a zombie. Like I wasn't even living anymore.

Is that why Louis cheated on me? Because I'm so ugly. And have I put on some weight? I think I have.

No wonder he cheated. Eleanor is beautiful. Gorgeous even. And she's so skinny. She looks like a model.

Suddenly I wasn't mad at Louis anymore.

I can't blame him for finding someone who's better than me. That would just be selfish.

Yesterday night, when I saw Louis standing in the doorway, I felt like I couldn't breathe.

I felt all the pain I felt that night rush back to me but a hundred times worse.

He looked miserable. He still looked amazing though.

I hate myself for still thinking that way about him. I should hate him. I want to hate him. I want to hate him so bad.

But I can't.

I can't because I still love him. And I hate myself for still loving him. After all the pain he put me through.

He broke my heart. And he was the first person to do so. And probably the last.

I don't think I'm ever gonna let anyone get close enough to me to break me like he did.

I learnt my lesson. Love is bullshit.

My thoughts got interrupted by a knock on my door. Gemma came in.

"Someone's here to see you." She said. I think she noticed the scared look on my face since she answered the question I didn't even have to ask.

"Don't worry, it's not Louis." As soon as I heard those words I let out a breath of relief. At the same time I was a bit disappointed.

I don't even know why I would be disappointed but i guess you can't force your heart.

"Who is it then?" I asked her quietly. My only friend is currently in America.

I just then realized how lonely I actually am.

Before she could answer though, the door to my room opened again. Zayn. Zayn came here to see me.

"Hey, Hazza." He greeted me sadly. I saw Gemma leave the room. I walked over to him to hug him.

He hugged me back. It triggered my tears. The tears started pouring down my face. I wasn't making any sound though. And I still felt numb.

"I'm so sorry, darling. Liam called me and told me what happened. I came here as soon as I could."