IDOL

IN THE BEGINNING

Have you ever been in love with a Kpop idol to the point you wanted to marry them or that they became one of your dreams that you want to achieve?

For me, the answer is yes.
So…according to the comments I saw I’m not part of the majority, but I can’t deny it

Yes, I can say that I’m in love with a Kpop idol, and he definitely became one of my dreams.

I’m in love with him since the day they debuted and started to become more noticeable, and for those who ask themselves “How old is this stupid witch?”, I’m turning 26 years old. Funny yeah? At this age.

Actually he is not really part of the groups I listen to the most, but I like most of his group’s songs, especially their latest ones. I discovered him in a time of my life that was really hard for me. At first, I really don't fandom them, I just heard their names, and that's it.

And when I saw him…that was like “love at first sight” or maybe not a sight coz I was most mesmerized about his life, what he has gone through,

You know, I was actually not impressed of him singing to a concert or by the way he looks, yes the way he smiles (gummy smile) but emotionally speaking, by his life itself.

After that I searched every possible video of him and as time goes by, I discovered more and slowly fell in love even more too. Right now I can tell a hundred of reasons why I love him but at that time…there was none, it just happened.

Like I said, it was during a really hard period for me so he helped me a lot, giving me happiness and strengh without knowing it. And that was also a time when I realised that my dreamjob wasn’t what I think it was, actually I didn’t really have any dream at that time, and I didn’t have any clue of what to do next… In general, I didn’t have an objective set for my life. So I thought “I will make him my objective”, and I began to make a lot of things in order to reach him, and also started to learn korean in order to talk to him easily maybe in the future, which we can say is also helpful even for myself coz I can communicate even not just to him. It also helped me to change my personality, to become more mature. He really gave me a lot of things and I just hope one day I could give him back the same. But I know its gonna be 0.00000001% chance haha.

Some of you may think I’m a stalker, or even a sasaeng after reanding this, but it’s not the case at all. I’m actually a shy and silent type of person, I don't talk too much about life and to others. Of course, I still engage, but the typical type of engagement is not in my vocabulary.

I just send him a message sometimes, nothing wierd, just something nice and supportive.  Actually, I know that he never saw any of them but I still write anyway.
I also saw someone in another answer asking “What will you do if this idol starts to date someone else ? Will you cry ? Will you turn your back on her ?”

Well… I don't know. I might cry my deepest. Biggest and deepest heartbreak maybe, but I can't blame him for that of course. All of me will be sad surely and jelous of that special girl. I just envy the luck he has to be with her. I might be happy for them but I can't assure, I just don't know.

I mainly don't want you guys to fall for my story. I am basically creating this, as to express my deep love for him. Without anyone noticing it or praising it, but simply making this as a way of saying what I want to say to him, or in a more simplier term, making this, my DIARY TO TELL.