Good after all

Crumble

Drip...drop...drip... The rain falls from the gutter out side. The sky cascading monochromatic shades of gray. My boss is obstructing the view of the city below. He is talking but his words are muffled and he looks upset. I look over toward the picture mounted on his wall. It is James Smith, the founder of the company. I look back at him, then two words came out clear, "You're fired."
"Fired?"
He took a cigar out of his mouth, and placed it in the ashtray on his desk. The end still red, and the smoke rising into the air soon to vanish into nothing.

"Yes Jack, that's what I said."
"Why?"
"You have only been in twice for work this week, and you have no family troubles. That leads me to believe that you just don't want to work. We all have to do our fair share. So I am firing you. Is that a good enough answer?"
"Yes. I will go clean off my desk."
I stood up, and turned the tarnished silver handle of the door. Pausing, I looked back at my boss, who was organizing documents in a manilla folder. This was the last time I would see his Victorian style office. Only one thought ran through my mind. How was I supposed to tell Anna? We had been married for six years, and it was not going well. I think that she has been cheating on me ever since she went on her trip to Morocco. She is a secretary at Washington report, and her boss Mark has been acting strange around me ever since she went on her trip.
After cleaning my desk, I got in my car and drove to our little apartment on 7th street. Anna was still at work, so I would have time to think about how to break the news to her. I opened my car door and walked up the stairs to the front door. I pulled out my keys, unlocked, and then opened the door. Almost instantly I realized that some furniture was missing, and all of the pictures were gone.
I immediately went to my daughter Jayne's room. The drawers were left opened and the closet door was ajar. I took a step inside, all of her clothes were gone. I was distraught. I left for my son Micheal's room, it looked the same. Everything was gone. I thought that someone robbed our house, so I went into my bedroom to call 911. I realized that on my bed was a note.
"To: Jack From: Anna" was on he front of the card. I opened it, inside was a short note. "Dear Jack, I never thought that our marriage would come to this, but I was wrong. You are the sweetest man I have ever met, but I do not feel the love we once had. These past few months have been a living hell. I have had to take care of myself and our children, and maintain a job while you sit on he couch and watch T.V. all day. I know that you are close to losing your job, and I can't be the only one supporting this family. In other words, I am leaving you forever, and I am taking the kids. You are not capable of raising children because you cannot even fend for yourself. Good bye Jack."
My world was crumbling around me. My legs gave out, and I fell on my knees. I could feel pain searing throughout all of my body. How could I continue to live? The room, almost bare, was raped of its beauty. The memories Anna and I had shared, now were all gone. All that I owned had nothing to do with her. I looked down at the unfolded note in my hand. It fell on the floor, and I wept. Warm tears rushed down my face. It was the only warmth I had to comfort myself.
After about an hour, I collected myself. I stood up, and walked out. I could not bear to be in the house any longer. I went to the only place where all of my problems seemed to be fixable; my mothers grave.
The ground was wet, beneath my feet. Standing in the crushed grass, I observed the smallest movements. There was and abundant about of life in a lifeless place. So many microscopic movements all in a motionless area. The rain was pelting the grass, gently bobbing each blade. The scent of rain was strong, but the feeling of depression was stronger. I was cold, so I flipped the collar on my gray trench coat.
"Mom" I said. "I don't know what to do." When did everything go wrong? And why can't I seem do anything right? Anna just left me, and she took the kids. I lost my job, and now I don't know what to do with myself." I look at the white marble grave. "God, I'm talking to a freaking rock. Is this what I have regressed to?" I clench my fists in anger. "There is nothing for me here" I thought. There is no real way to solve my problems, the only way to...no. I thought for a moment. Maybe killing myself was the answer.
I started for my car. The only thought in my mind was how. How would I do it, and what would be the quickest way. I opened my car door, and remembered the pawn shop about two miles from my house. They sold guns, and for cheap. Then again, that would be my last purchase. I sat down, started the ignition and drove.
After about fifteen minutes, I made it to the pawn shop. I went inside and looked at the guns. A store clerk came and asked "See any you like?"
"I do not know what to look for."
"Well, what are you using it for?" I paused.
"Self defense."
"Oh, well a pistol should do nice. Are you looking for a small one to conceal, or a big daddy to intimidate?"
"Small, whatever is more effective."
"Well, I suggest a Ruger LC9. Its a nine millimeter, its small, and it packs a punch." He pulled out a small black pistol from the case, and handed it to me.
"That will do."
"Ok, that will be $419.99."
I gave him back the gun, and started to pull out my wallet. He gave me a concerned look.
"You ok son?"
"Yeah, I feel fine."
"You be careful with that, nothing good comes out of a gun."
"Yes sir."
He handed me the gun, in a case with some bullets. Then I turned and left.
While I was driving home, I only thought of how sweet the grip of death would be. I simply could not wait to feel deaths embrace. I pulled into the driveway. I grabbed the case, and went inside. I went into the kitchen, and sat at the table, then opened the case. The pistol glared at me with its shiny black steel surface. I grabbed it. It was cold, but comforting. After some fidgeting, I found out how to open the bullet chamber, and loaded the gun.
I put the cold barrel of the gun in my mouth, pointed up towards my brain. I hesitated. "Why? Just do it. You will be better, everyone will be better." My thoughts were so sporadic that I could not focus. Then my phone rang. I put the gun down, and answered the phone.
"Jack, is this Jack Crade?"
"Yes, who is this?"
"Its Gloria, your sister."
"Who?"
"Gloria, your sister."
I could not believe what I was hearing. Gloria and I had not talked for fourteen years. Why would she call me at a time like this.
"Jack... Are you there?"
"Ye..yes. How have you been doing." I went back to the table.
"I have been doing well, what about you? How is your job?"
"I lost it, and many more things."
"Tell me, I mean, we have not talked for some time."
I broke down, and tried to explain all of the recent events through tears of frustration and confusion.
"Wow. Just try to calm down."
"The only way I could think of solving my problem was by killing myself."
"Jack, don't. If you kill yourself, you end in sadness, and you cant discover how problems resolve. You just hurt those you care for, and you can never fix your problems."
"Well how do you expect me to solve problems?"
"I don't know. Just don't kill yourself." I stare at the black gun. The glimmer of the barrel was almost entrancing.
"Jack, I love you. I know that ever since mom and dad died we have not talked, just please don't do it." I wipe tears from my eyes. Then I grab the gun. I put the phone down, then walk to the trash can and throw away the gun. I can hear Gloria yelling my name through the phone.
"Gloria?" She is crying.
"Gloria. I'm okay."
"Jack, I thought you had done it."
"I threw the gun away."
"Good. Just rest, you need to. I will call you tomorrow."
"Okay."
I hung up the phone, then headed towards my bed. I took off my clothes and laid down. I shut my eyes, and fell asleep, awaiting the challenges that tomorrow will bring.