looking up to the stars/tsukkyama

3

long chapter ahead!

last night was hard.

i didnt catched that much of sleep and i feel more tired than i usually do.

tadashi hasn't showed yet, i dont know what hes waiting to come here, i want to hug him, kiss him, or at least just touch him or hold his hand.

i throw my clothes to the floor, and I start changing the to my school uniform, i do my way down my house stairs, nobody is awake.

on my way to school thoughts start to fill my messy mind.

where is him?

its my fault that he isnt here?

does he dosnt love me anymore?

is he coming back?

should i continue?

wait.

should i continue living?

everything is so tiring for me, even to breathe, if i just end it all i might stop feeling this pain, my brother would stop caring quickly and my mom, i know she can get trough it, the solution might be just end it all.

i stop my tracks when i see the building infrot of me, and i step inside walking through the hallways, people staring at me. people who didnt liked tadashi are watching me, they always make fun of him, and tell him that he wasnt enough to be around me, people who i dont know, i might just look like shit, i mean, my messy hair, or my eyebags, or wahtever that i have on my face, other people that are actually nice, might worried because of me and of tadashi, cause he never leave my side, he was always around me, holding my hand, or jumping, but he was there, and now hes not.

i got into my first class period, arts, tadashis favorite subject, even tho no one believe it, he has a lot of talent for anything in relation with arts, i remeber his sketchbook, it was all messy and full of non finished sketches, mostly of me, he said one day that he liked to draw me, cause my face was hard to read to everyone, but very easy to read for him, i felt so special that day.

today task is to paint a landscape, first thing to come to my mind is a beautiful dark night with some clouds and a lot of tiny little dots on the sky, a lot of stars, stars, why are stars so beautiful and important to me? it was really just because they remembered me about yams freckles?

no.

it wasn't just yams freckles.

yes it was related with yams. all the good stuff that had happened to me is always with tadashi, but stars? why are they so important, it's because he loves to go stargazing, both did, it's is our favorite activity together, and it is our favorite because that was how we got together as a couple.

~flashback~

-tsukki! let's go see the sky, it looks full of stars today.

-yamaguchi it's 22:30 it's late to go outside.

-come on tsukki! I love stars and I know you love them too, so let's go, pleaseeeee.

-tch- with that face and that pout I can't say no -okay but just for a little while, it's cold outside.

-yes! tsukki come on ill grab a blanket go ahead I'll catch up

I walked down to my door and I waited for yamaguchi to get donw the stairs.

not even 3 minutes passed and yamaguchi was standing right next to me at the door, i opened it and let him get out first.