Life? Or Death?

Jump?

Here I was.
Sitting on top of one of the tallest buildings in the city.
Enjoying the view? No.
Enjoying the last few seconds before I would take a leap of faith to the ground below.
I have no reason to be alive...right?
My family and friends don't care about me...do they?
Oh well, they'll get over it...I'm pretty sure they'll get over it...won't they?
I felt a something wet drop onto my hands that were placed on top of my legs.
The same legs that were hanging off the side of one of the tallest buildings.
What was it that dropped onto my hands exactly? A single tear.
One that meant there were more to come.
How many more I did not know.
These tears weren't tears of happiness or joy.
They were tears of "what ifs" and "what abouts."

What if they cared?
What if they miss me?
What if they cry for me?
What about my future?
What about my pets?
What about my future lover?

They weren't just tears.
They were cries for help.
For a change.
A better life.

Could I really do this?
Could I really jump?
Yes and No.
A part of me would always be alive.
That part of me would be the memories others have of me.
The good me.
The old me.
But they don't know the old me is dead.

A part of me died as soon as I got up here.
That part was my will.
My will to live died when I got up here.
My cries of a better life died when I got up here.
There's only 3 options here.

Live and ignore my everlasting pain or possibly ask for help.

Jump and die without ever trying to be saved.
If there's still anything left to salvage in this broken life of mine.

Or Jump and survive.
Be the new pity project for people who never cared in the first place.
Those that swept me under the rug when I told them my problems but always expected me to make their problems the most important thing in my life.

I laughed a laugh with no emotions except sadness.
Sad it had to end this way.
But did it have to end this way?
Who knows?

I stood up gazing at to beautiful night sky while standing on a 102 story building.
Gosh, the stars looked beautiful.
My mother always told me that when we die we become a star.
I put my headphones on, turning the music up, and wiped my silent tears.
The tears I cried for most of the thirteen years of my life in a dark corner.
I fell.
Backwards.
Off of the Empire State Building.
With my favorite song playing in my ears.

Just as gravity took a hold on me-
My older sister ran through the door.
Sadness and regret in her eyes as she saw me.
As we made eye contact all my good memories came crashing back to me.
All my reasons to live hit me like a train-
They hit me hard...like gravity.
I screamed as I blindly reached for nothing but it was too late.
I couldn't be saved.

I watched my own sister jump after me.
She somehow defied gravity and pulled me into a hug.
A hug.
A hug of love.
A hug of life.
A hug of regret.

We stayed in that hug until we both crashed into the ground.
The sweet song in my ears became a poison as I watched the now deadly sky through tear filled eyes.
This was it.
The end of our lives.

At least we would become stars together.