Downward Spiral (Izuocha)

Chapter 56 Confidence

Izuku P.O.V.

Friday night had been amazing, despite my sudden outburst at the beach, my friends didn't seem to let that dampen their mood and got me back onto my feet and we started heading back to the dorms while Uraraka decided to start some small talk and it was all smooth sailing from there. Yesterday had been fairly normal, with morning training with All Might and then Uraraka making sure I was eating properly and enjoying myself as we just hung out on the common room. Right now however, I was sitting straight ahead of Ms. Joke while she tapped her notepad with her pen and pondered on something. I had arrived a few minutes early so I couldn't blame her as she prepared a session until our time started. "Well Izuku, we've talked about your past and how you felt about it, but now, let's talk about the present and how the past molded you. We all are shaped in some way or form by our past, both negative and positively, the important thing is to move forward from the negative aspects and grow as a person. So, do you have any idea on some aspects that your past affected you now?" 

It seemed like an obvious question, but just suicidal wasn't enough of an answer and I knew it was too surface level of an answer. Moreover, she didn't ask for negative or positive, so basically it's up to me. "Well, I always liked heroes and that led me to analyze them a lot. Because I wasn't invited to regular outgoings I had a lot of free time and I guess I got better at analyzing in general." I was confident in my answer, but there were no right or wrongs with the pro heroine, always giving a different perspective or some sort of encouragement to develop more on the idea I presented to her. "What you said is great Izuku! And I would like to see some of your analysis. However, notice how you said 'I guess'. Why aren't you certain?" I opened my mouth to answer but soon enough closed it, pondering on the question she had just thrown at me. 'Why did I say I guess. It's obvious I improved since the hero journals in crayons. "Seems like I stomped you a bit with that one, but I guess you were slowly coming to a conclusion, and I think you already have it, right?" 

I nodded surely, having gone through past experiences to understand why I doubted myself. It took me back to the night after the visit to the doctor, when even my mom didn't believe in me. That's right, no one believed in me. "Yeah, lack of confidence.... If everyone back then doubted on everything I did or say, how could I not doubt myself?" She let the question I made linger for a while, to let the importance of such a statement sink in to at least myself. "Great that you realized Izuku, but therefore, how do we continue?" It seemed that I really didn't hold an answer to that question. All I knew was that the years of torment left more negative rather than positive impacts, so it seemed as if this wasn't the last time she would ask on something such as this. "You see Izuku, confidence is built on accomplishments, and it can be either insignificant or rather large accomplishments. Take Bakugo for example. From what Eraser told me, he takes pride on every little thing he does right and that led to his overinflated ego. You on the other hand, because no one ever acknowledged your accomplishments, not even yourself from time to time, are the exact opposite, living in constant doubt and downplaying yourself."

Everything she said was completely true, making both Kacchan and I polar opposites in terms of personality, especially pride and confidence. Now that I think about it, I never really had that much confidence throughout my life. Not even after the entrance exams did I believe in myself, and as it slowly built up throughout the year, it all came crashing down after a few mistakes and old memories haunting me. Before I could ask anything, it seemed like she had other plans. "But that's what we are going to exercise for at most half of the time we have today. Starting to look at your own accomplishments and seeing that you really can do it. So tell me a few accomplishments, either recent or not, it doesn't matter." As she finished, I couldn't help but hear Uraraka's words from the end of the first day, saying that Deku sounded like Dekiru, the word for you can do it. "Well, almost a year ago I cleaned up Dagobah Beach. A-actually finishing up right before the entrance exam. And well, I did get to the last round of the sports festival mostly quirkless...."

Those were the first that I could remember, and as I looked up to meet her eyes, it seemed like they had grown stars while her smile grew even bigger. "You are the one who cleaned that beach? That's amazing Izuku! You must have put a lot of hard work. And I remember the sports festival too. You used only your wits to get through, and that's impressive." It went like that for a few moments, and for every time I said something such as winning against Bakugo the first day All Might taught or managing to control my quirk, she praised me, and the warmth it made me feel was off the charts, even if it embarrassed me from time to time. "Well Izuku, I think that this first half was great, but I won't be the only one to praise you. Remember you have friends that care for you and I'm pretty sure they also see what I saw in those victories you held. That brings me to the next point, your friends and social interactions. I heard from Eraser you are pretty close to the class representative and a carefree girl. What an odd bunch. You sure must like her to stick with someone like her~"

 I couldn't help but notice her teasing like tone during the end and immediately felt blood rush to my face while I attempted to cover myself with my arms. "I-it's n-not like that M-Ms. Emi." "Yeah yeah, we'll get to that later, but we need to speak of social interactions. Although you are very nice, you clearly aren't the most popular, so we'll work on that." She finished off with a smile, but I could already feel the dread from having Ms. Emi constantly tease me when I mention Uraraka.

Heyo, sorry it's later than normal, had sort of a block in which I didn't know if I wanted to make Izuku progress more or let him go through some more shenanigans with friends. You clearly read what I picked, cause I am confident that one cannot recover from something like that easily, but giving it too many chapters would be boring, but I'll manage (maybe). Either way, hope you have or had a great day and remember you are all fantastic individuals. Bye.