My Life

My depression & what I'm feeling right now

*Warnings of breaking, shattering, mentions of suicide & cussing. Don't read if u don't like it*

I just want to die. I hate the feeling inside. It hurts so bad. His mom is keeping us apart. All I want is to be with him. Y can't she just let him be happy? He hates it there with her. I can't take it. Her dad called me a devil to. He ended up in the hospital because of karma. I hate this feeling! I hate it. I hate her. He is my light. I would do anything for him. I would take a bullet for him. He keeps me going & he is the reason I have not killed myself already. I know most humans would not understand what its like to feel complete knowing u have found ur other half. I love him so much. Sorry if this is to depressing. I didn't know where else I could turn to besides here. She apparently cut off his communications. I can't talk to him! He has answered me at all. I am so worried about him. I don't know what I will do if she won't let him talk to me for who knows how long. She can't cut off his communications according to a friend. She said its against the law & she would get in trouble for that. *Looks down.* I have been fighting back tears & wiping them away as I feel myself breaking & shattering deep inside. I wasn't nervous about being put under cause I thought he would be there. But now I am nervous & scared & the feeling of being alone. Believe me. People have told me I'm not alone but unfortunately only my soulmate can make me feel like I'm not alone. I talk to much & people find it annoying. I hate being in the wrong body. I've learned a lot about humans & it has caused me to hate them. But I only hate the bad humans. I had a lot of love & I desperately wanted to share it with so many nice humans. I love animals. I have my own little puppy, her name is Leona. I love her so much. She made the days easier being apart from my soulmate. But now the tears r falling & I can't stop them. I wish I could just talk to him. I miss him. He makes everything better. My nose is filling with snot. I am just rambling now. But I can help it. I am fighting sobs yet their still coming out. And now I am full on sobbing. My throat is hurting & it hurts!!!! I can't even breathe. I just wanted to be with him. But its more expensive getting an apartment together in his city. She has said I use him, that I don't get him anything. Has asked "What do u sacrifice?" And I don't need to sacrifice anything because he makes me so happy, he makes me laugh, smile, picks me up when I am down, he has helped me love my quirky weird self, he makes my day better, he makes everything better. He has made my relationship with my mom/great aunt better. He has made me better. I have dreamed about marrying him after I transitioned. I have had thoughts of adopting from foster care. And today all I think about was going shopping with him to get him the things he needed & I had such a happy smile on my face. And now thanks to his fucken damn mom who has hated me from the moment we met. He will not be there when I come out of my surgery on Monday. I have been having stomach problems that were only made worse whenever my fucking period starts. I hate it. I hate it. I hate her. I had been filled with a lot of hate. But meeting my soulmate made me better & now his fucken mom has taken him against his will. I don't know what to do anymore. I am sensitive & I can't help it. Its just the way I am. But he always kept me together. Always kept me strong & now I can't even talk to him. I can't stop crying, hiccuping & sobbing even as I write this. I just wanted to be with him. He was free from her. But still she just keeps on keeping us apart!! It has been horrible these past couple of years. I would daydream about him being here with me. I don't know if anyone will become emotional from this. I don't know if they r emphatic like me. All I know is I feel all alone. And I just wish I could talk to him. I know he is in just as much pain as me. I had a hard time sleeping last night because my baby, my puppy Leona wasn't with me. I can't stop crying, I can't stop sobbing. Help? I don't know if anyone will read this, or even care enough when reading this. I just had no where else to turn to.