You can forgive, but you can't forget

Chapter 1:

The world isn't what you think it is. It's a violent and nasty place. Society has stabled lies into our head which causes so many issues. I don't understand people. Sometimes it's even hard to understand myself, if that makes any sense. My whole life i've lived in Illinois. I prefer not to live here, but i'm trapped. Can someone please take me out of this world?!
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"It's not my issue Brad! If you want to leave then leave!! MAKE A DECISION OR I'LL DO IT FOR YOU!!" My mom threw a pill bottle at my dads head and slammed the door on him, leaving him outside in the cold. I stared at my chicken, slowly picking at it with my fork. My sister laying her head down on the kitchen table. "I'm sorry guys, i'll have to excuse myself this dinner." I watched my mom walk upstairs. "You mean every dinner." My sister muttered under her breath. "I'm so tired of this shit! I just want them to stop fighting! That's all they ever do, is argue and throw things at each other! What kind of parents do that in front of their own kids?! Oh yea that's right, SHITTY PARENTS!" At this point we weren't even eating, we were just ranting. "Sophie calm down! I understand that your upset but it's just gonna make the situation worse if you keep yelling." She stared me down so hard i thought she was about to blow up, but she kept her composure together and began to eat. I didn't feel like eating though. There was just too much on my mind, so i decided to clear my spot and put my food in the microwave for whenever i felt like eating. Then it would stay warm. But i'd end up heating it up again anyway. I opened the door and walked outside to see if my dad was there. But he wasn't there, and either was his car. Welp, i can't do anything now. I looked back at my house then the ground. A big grey rock lay right in between my bright blue converse. I knelt down and picked it up, examining the holes and jagged sides. I turned around back to my house, the rock in my hand. I just want to throw this fucking rock right through the damn window. I stopped for a second and thought about my life real hard. I did a twirl pretending my mom was spinning me by my hand and ran straight ahead towards a huge hill. My hands clenching the rocky dirt, i managed to climb up step by step to the top of the hill. When i stood up straight i looked out into the distance and all that i saw was huge, bulky trees, and bright, green grass. And in some areas there were little streams, but let's not talk about my secret place. Yes, i know it's just grass and trees, but it means a lot more to me. When i was about 5 years old my grandma would always take me and Sophie out here. My grandma would always find a way to make us smile. She was the one person that i actually trusted with all my heart. She actually cared about me and Sophie. Whenever we were outside we were either climbing trees or skipping rocks in the stream. As i got older i started to realize that it was my only escape from my home. I don't really have a healthy relationship with my mom or dad. Every time they got into a fight i would come out here. And i still do, obviously. My birthdays coming up next week, and i'm going to be 15. People always say to make a wish, but they never come true. Every year i ask for the same thing. And it never happens. Ever. I stopped making wishes after i turned 13. There's no point in doing it anymore, my parents are going to be the same forever and that's it. Drug addicts and alcoholics. And there's nothing i can do to stop them. I watched the sun go down and the cotton candy colors fade away. I wish my life was as beautiful and exciting as the clouds were. I know, clouds. But they're so fascinating to watch. Especially sunsets. With the rock still in my hand i stood up and launched it right into the sky. I watched as it fell down like an eagle swooping to pick up a fish. It got dark real fast and i decided to head home. As i was walking through the grass i saw 2 bright lights in-front of my house. When i got closer i realized it was my dads car parked in our driveway. Well it's not really a driveway, it's more of a grass way if you want me to be realistic. When i got inside my dad was sitting on the couch drinking a beer, while watching tv with my mom. How the fuck do they go from wanting to kill each other to sitting next to each other laughing. I sat down on our musty, brown rug and took my shoes off. As i was taking my shoes off my dog Marley came over to me licking my face. "Hi!" I whispered. She rolled over and i started scratching her tummy. I looked into her emerald, green eyes and smiled, slightly. "Goodnight bub's see you in the morning." I got up and pretended to look around for something, but really i was just seeing if my parents even noticed me. They started laughing really loud at something on the tv and it angered me, so i stormed upstairs. It's not like they're bothered. I opened my door, then shut it. I grabbed my grandmas picture and laid on my bed with her in my arms. There goes another day with me being ignored. A tear rolled down my check as i closed my eyes. I pictured my grandma and me sitting on a tree with her arm wrapped around me, as my sister did cartwheels in the tall grass. I love you grandma.