Premonition, My Friend

Chapter 1

         Laying here in my cold, empty, dark room staring at the ceiling, wondering when my dad will put me in a state of fear once again. Glancing over at the space underneath the bottom of my white, worn-out door, patiently trying to catch a glimpse of when the hallway light will suddenly flicker on. He usually comes in around this time. He makes sure it's when mom falls asleep so she doesn't know what he secretly does to her precious daughter. She has no idea what kind of person he is.

        He makes me keep my room the same way it was when I was 10, I'm 17 now. It's full of bright colors and pictures I drew. It even has all of the shelves he put up to set my stuffed animals on that I got from my grandpa. I have white bed sheets with rainbow stars on them, a couple of posters with pointless quotes hung up on my pink walls, and even more stuffed animals on my bed. My name Kaitcha, is spelt out on my wall in big white wooden letters. Surprisingly, it even has the stench of little kid odor. Even though this room looks and smells like a ball of joy and happiness, this room is the place I dread the most. It is where it all happens. Every step I take into this dreadful room, I feel my face get hot, the allusion of it melting starts to settle in. The emotional effect that he's put onto me drags me down, it makes me feel as my soul is getting erased, maybe I'm going with it. This room is full of hate, fear, panic, terror, and fright. It was supposed to be my escape from the bad world, but he turned it into much, much more.

        Wouldn't you think It would make him feel worse about putting me in pain while beating me in a room that has the allusion of a child's escape? Does he have some sick obsession with a twisted fetish? He started all of this when I turned 10, maybe he wants to keep everything the same as when it first occurred. Maybe he's scared of the thought of time passing by. The first time this happened, he took me into my room after my mom left for the store, he didn't say a word. He just started his usual process of him fulfilling his "need". When this all first started he would begin by saying, "this is my need." It's like he was trying to get me to understand his sick mind, maybe he was even trying to get reassurance somehow. He tries to make himself feel better because of the stuff he does to me. He tries to reassure himself that he is a good person, but there is no good in him. I'm his child, why would he want to put me in pain? Isn't he one of the only people that should always protect me no matter what? At some point, I have to find out why he's doing this to me, what made him start this horrific, life suffering act.

        The way he makes me behave in front of everybody is like he's trying to hide the real truth behind our family. He makes me sound all sophisticated, and quoting him, "use big words." He makes me bring up how good he's doing in life and all the "fun things" we do as a family. We show up at places and take a single picture, so everyone in town thinks we spent time there, together. He says we do this because we "can't afford it." That's a total lie. The problem is that he can't bear the sight of him spending time with his "family". I hope someone figures it out eventually, figures out how horrible of a man he is. Everyone thinks he's this sweet guy that would help anybody no matter who they were. I mean why wouldn't they? He's the manager at a well-paid job, he has a book club that comes to our house every Thursday at 6:00, of course, I'm not allowed to come out of my 10-year-old decorated room while they're here. I'm not even allowed to know where he works, that's all I know about his job, that he's the manager. He wants to make sure I know the littlest about his life. He can't bear the sight of me having real-life information about him. Maybe he feeds off of leaving me out of his life because he knows it hurts me just as bad.

        He dresses up every single day. He makes himself appear more like a character he's making up through his clothing choice. He usually puts on a gray suit but doesn't wear a tie. He wears dark gray dress pants with black shiny shoes. He slicks back his black gelled hair, while leaving a little bit of stubble on his face but, somehow finds a way to make it look good, then topping it off with a silver watch. It's like his clothing ties all of him together. It's part of his mask.