The toxic truth

Welcome

So ... If you are reading this you have found my journal , well done !
I am no longer alive so any questions you have I hope this book can answer it . I left this book in hope that no one would have to face what I did , think of this like a guide through life ...no actually think of it as ....
THE TOXIC TRUTH .

Now lets start from when I moved to a new town at the age of 10 . Let me tell you it wasn't easy moving I had done it before and now again and it never gets easier . It also shows how much things you held on to but later forget about just for it to pop up again . I don't if I am supposed to feel a rush of nostalgia or what when I find some old toy or drawing but I just feel a bruh feeling ...ya know , just don't care but ok . It's hard to explain but that's the feeling .
Anyway since I moved to a new town a clearly was set up to go to a new school and I was honestly happy for a fresh start where I didn't know a lot of people and could pretend to be anyone . I really wanted to be an outgoing person but I guess that's not how life works , I couldn't fake it so I had to be that shy awkward girl who don't talk much and had no grip on her emotions, yayyy !!!
I had a week after finishing putting the house together before school started and I wanted to make friends but my mom was sooo ever protective we couldn't go to the backyard without begging. I had no hope of making friends but the neighborhood kids all wanted to met the kids who moved in so they would call for us almost everyday until my mom agreed ( she was a single mother of 3 kids ) . When I finally met them they all seemed...I don't know cool ( remember I was a shy girl who never swore , did as she was told , was very respectful and kind ) ! They were so different from people I had met and they weren't afraid to be themselves , they were free to hangout , make fun of each other but laugh about it and just be your average kid . Tho there was around 10 of them I barely got to talk to any of them other than them asking me questions about myself , I was to shy to start a conversation or ask questions back so while my older brother didn't really like socializing he still started a conversation and my little sister was a social butterfly but everyone found her annoying once you got to know her . The whole situation was just sad for me because I had been looking forward to making friends my age but I blew the chance , felt so bad after the greeting because I had also wanted to know someone before going to school . I had planned on making a friend I could walk to school with hangout with and get my mom to like so she would let be go out more but my social skills have messed up any chance of that happening now .