Fused

Chapter 4: Anam Cara

The most embarrassing, awkward moments of your life are only remebered by you and no one else.

-Iain Thomas, I Wrote This for You

***

"Nice roundhouse Nabors."  His voice boomed at me from across the room.

"Thanks Dylan," I yelled back.  He was helping some younger kids with footwork patterns on the other side of the gym.

"Hey Dylan!  I have something to ask you before you head out today so don't leave without coming to find me first."  I yelled back.  He gave me an acknowledging nod and wave.

I was going to ask him if he could drive me home from the gym a couple days during the week.  Usually I walked home since the gym was less than a mile from my house, but right now, it wasn't safe... At least that's what mom claimed. She did not want me walking home alone in the evening, leaving myself vulnerable... whatever that means. I'd been walking home from the gym by myself for years. She picked me up when she could, but some days she worked late so it was either I find a ride, or I don't train, and not training wasn't an option. 

I knew Dylan wouldn't mind taking me home a few days a week.  In fact, he offered almost every day, but I always turned him down, preferring to walk instead. Walking gave me some time to cool down and I didn't want to bother Dylan too much or feel like I owed him.

I continued my work with the heavy bag for another twenty minutes.  I started with some left and right kicks then began working on roundhouse kicks with my left leg because that was what I needed the most work on.  I was pretty good with my right leg but just couldn't seem to get the left half of my body to cooperate most of the time.  Today I was doing surprisingly good despite my daunting preoccupation.  I couldn't stop thinking about what Mom had shared with me in the cabin.  Over and over I attempted to convince myself that she was wrong.  That this was another one of her episodes.  A really really bad one. That she was worried for no reason and her paranoia had gotten the better of her. 

The entire story she relayed was outlandish.  Something you would hear from a crazy person.  Life was difficult for her following Dad's death, which in all rights would have given her permission to go a little crazy.  Yet despite her occasional stumble into insanity over the years, she had always taken good care of me and always made me feel safe...until now.  Now, she scared me and I couldn't decide if the weighted pit in my stomach was beacause I believed her story or if it was because she had never dove this deep into lunacy before and I could be losing her.

Slumped on the bathroom floor of the cabin my mom cried. "It's all our fault. Your father and I...we broke the rules."  She wiped at her nose and eyes with the back of her hand.  I didn't know what she was talking about.  What rules had they broken?  I was so confused, and I wanted to comfort her, but I didn't know how.  "We weren't supposed to come here together but we did it for him.  We did it to save Abel."  She pointed a trembling finger at the locket in my hand.  "But we were wrong.  He shouldn't have been saved.  He couldn't be saved. And now we've put you in terrible danger."

"Mom, I don't understand."  I reached out to try and console her.  I had never seen her like this before. She sucked in sobs and went on to explain as best she could. What she told me changed eveything I thought I knew.

My dad wasn't alone in his car the night he died like she told the police.  And he wasn't going to work to pick up something he left at the office.  He was taking Abel away. Somewhere far away.

When I was little, my mother led me to believe she was related to Abel, that he was her brother...or maybe I led myself to believe it. Had she ever really said that? Either way it wasn't true. He was like a brother she emphasized now.