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I walked into the cafeteria. I was choosing not to starve my way through lunch in the library. I've struggled with eating disorders for a while, even before my mom's passing. I've never liked the way I looked and I doubt I ever will. People told me often that I am good looking. But they could be lying. For all I know when I look in the mirror I fucking hate what I see.
After a week at school I felt safer. Like I knew how things worked and what to expect. I didn't feel like all eyes were on me anymore.
Well, that wasn't exactly the whole story. Truth was, I wanted to see Harry. He hadn't been at his locker since this morning, and when I passed him in the hall, he looked right through me. Sure, I'd not spoken to him this morning, but I wasn't sure I could. Would I have a meltdown if I weren't trying to help him? Maybe speaking only worked when he needed me to speak. Maybe it was Harry's pain that triggered my ability to speak without losing my grip.
In the days after my mother's death I had sat in a corner and screamed when anyone came near me. I knew what I was doing was crazy, but I couldn't stop myself. A helpless fear had consumed me. I was in so much agony, I couldn't be spoken to or handle anyone getting close to me.
When I was finally able to coax myself out of the corner and stop reliving the nightmare over and over in my head, I managed to function. But I still wouldn't speak. It was the one thing that saved me. I could deal if I didn't hear the sound of my voice.
"So, about that date we discussed at the pep rally?"
I turned from my place in the food line to see Daniella grinning at me. "I looked for you after the game Friday night, but you were nowhere to be found."
Yeah, because my aunt and uncle shipped me off with Liam.
"Since you don't have a notebook at the moment, I'll do all the talking," she continued. "I was thinking maybe Saturday we could go to Nashville for the day. It's only an hour drive away. There's an excellent place I like to eat there, and then I have tickets to the Grand Ole Opry that night. Kacey Musgraves is going to be there."
I loved Kacey Musgraves, she was one of my favorite artists to be in fact. But an entire day with Daniella... in Nashville? I wasn't sure my aunt and uncle would be okay with that.
"Just think about it. I promise we'll have fun. And I talk enough for the both of us."
I started to smile, when my gaze was suddenly locked by a certain green eyed figure looking directly at me. Harry. It was like he put a spell on me and I couldn't get out.
He was sitting at the table where Liam sat, along with the other football players. They were allowed to come in early and get their trays so they could leave earlier and head to the field house.
"You know Harry Styles? Well, yeah, you probably do considering he's your cousin's best friend."
I tore my gaze away from Harry's and moved up as the line did. I had come to see him, and there he was. Looking right at me. I wasn't invisible to him now. Maybe he had forgiven me for not talking this morning.
