My Alpha Mate

Chapter 27: funeral

I need to leave..

Jack being dead and Isabel now being mateless and heartbroken is all my fault.

I feel incriminated. How the hell am I supposed to protect a whole pack when I can't protect one person?
Part of me thinks it would be the right thing to do to run away and surrender myself to him but another part of me feels like the world will think I'm begging for attention. That's not at all what I am doing tho! I love this pack and it deserves to have a Luna that can take care of it and keep it protected, if I can't do it then why am I even Luna?

We are planning on having a funereal today for Jack. I looked at myself in the mirror and I was wearing a long black dress with lace sleeves. My hair was in a tight bun and I didn't feel like wearing make up.

I feel like butting a bag over my head to hide my face. I'm such an appalling Luna.

I sat down on my bed and but my lip trying to keep in the tears but the stinging in my eyes told me that I will no matter what. My head fell into my hands as I sobbed. Sobbed about bradley, sobbed about leaving his pack with such a poor alpha, sobbed about putting this pack in danger, sobbed about being an awful mate and putting the pack in danger and Jack dying and my best friend is not heart broken. It kills me.

I gasped for air, trying to catch my breath when I started choking on tears.

I wiped my cheeks and closed my eyes to take a breather. Once I was stable I walked out the door and downstairs to see if everybody else was ready.

Xavier was standing at the bottom of the stairs and the moment our eyes met he pulled me into his arms and held onto me securely. Another thing that's killing me, he doesn't even know that Jacks death was all my fault.

Xavier's hair was going around in all kinds of directions. Messy but sexy, the way I liked it.

His smelt engulfed me and I immediately felt at ease. He smelt like cologne and vanilla.

"I'm sorry." he whispered before kissing the top of my head.

I let out a shaky breath and shook my head. "It's not your fault. It's mine." I said.

Tell him.

He pulled me away where He could see me and looked at me confused.

"Don't blame this on yourself, he was murdered by a rouge."

Tell him. You know who killed him and why.

I bit my lip and closed my eyes, when I was ready I opened them again.

"He was murdered by my ex mate."

"Your ex mate what? When did you have an ex mate?" He asked I could see the curiosity and a little bit of anger swirl in his eyes.

"It's a really really long story." I said as I laughed nervously, kind of regretting ever bringing the subject up but I knew I couldn't keep it in me forever.

"I don't give a damn Harper, tell me." he said sternly but quietly.

His eyes gave me an intense glare which made my knees become a little weak.

I swallowed hard before I said anything.

"A couple months ago I found my mate. His name is Bradley Harris." I started not knowing if he wanted the whole story.

"Yes I would like the whole story." he said.

I forgot to block my thoughts from him. I mentally face palmed myself.

"He marked me. I was happy and everything was great until I found out he cheating on me and tried marking this one slut, her name is Clair and I was angry with him so I ran through the woods for a few hours and got back late.. He caught me and he was angry so he beat me. That night I ran away only to have Isabel catch me and she wanted to come with me. I needed somewhere to stay and I knew I couldn't go home so I came here." I said looking into his eyes hoping to see forgiveness, but that's not what I saw. I saw anger.

"Seriously! I can't believe you didn't tell me this! We're mates Harper does that mean nothing to you?! Now we lost a pack member because you didn't tell me this?!" He shouted. He paced back and forth in the room we were in. His hands were in his hair and his face was red, the frown on his face made a knot twist in my stomach.

"I'm sorry." I croak out quietly.

"Sorry?! Your sorry?! God damn it Harper! Is there anything else your not telling me?!" He said as hurt then filled his eyes.

"I got a letter from him the other day." I said quietly.

He looked at me with disbelief then closing his eyes and turning around and slamming the door leaving me there alone.

I felt warm wetness on my cheek, curious to what it was I wiped my cheek and realized I was crying.

I straightened myself up and headed out the door to jacks funeral. I had white roses for him because he was so sweet and it seemed like he would like that best.

The warm breeze hit me as I stepped outside onto the grass in my flats. The sky was a light pink because of the sun that was just now setting, it was beautiful outside, I couldn't see one cloud. I sighed as I walked along the path in the woods. The trees swayed back and forth because of the light wind.

I could see a group of crowded people when I got closer. I saw the Xavier's parents, Jacks parents, Isabel, Cole, Emma, and a ton of people so really.. everyone showed up. I looked to my left and saw Xavier leaning against a tree.

I caused this. I caused all of this pain for everyone. I stepped over the his coffin and laid the white flowers on top of it. Once I was done saying my goodbyes I sat down in a chair on the side and looked down in my hands praying to God that he was okay up there and that I was sorry.