Phanfic

Undercover Lover

"I'm not ready for this okay? We've talk about this before and I don't want to fucking come out!"

Dan is practically screaming his head off because Phil is bringing the issue of coming out again. Don't get him wrong, he loves Phil more than anything in the world, but he's not ready for all the hate they'll get if they come out now. 

"We've been dating for five years now, and you're still not ready to come out? I don't understand this at all. I want the world to know that you're mine, and that I love you so much, but it seems like I'm the only one who wants that." His lover for five years said tearfully. He doesn't like to see Phil sad or hurting, especially if he's the reason for it. He wants to comfort him and cuddle him and tell him that everything's okay. 

Dan stepped forward, trying to reach Phil, but Phil turned his back to him. "Phil?" He asked, a bit nervous by the way Phil is acting.

"I don't want to talk right now. I'll just go to bed, I'm tired."

He watched as Phil walked towards the direction of their bedroom. He doesn’t understand what’s happening either. He loves Phil, but he’s scared to face the hate from all the people who couldn’t understand the real concept of love. Dan’s mind is spinning. He feels a massive headache coming on.

Phil on the other hand is having mixed emotions. He’s starting to doubt Dan’s feelings towards him. A million questions takes up his head, making him dizzy. “Does he really love me? Why can’t he tell everyone about us? Is he ashamed because of me? Is there someone else?”

 He doesn’t want to think anymore, he decided to get some milk to try and calm his nerves. While walking towards the kitchen he passed by Dan’s room and saw the door was ajar, he didn’t intend to but when he hear Dan say his name, he stopped to try and get the gist of what he was saying.

“Phil’s acting weird, I think he wants to come out now more than ever and I don’t know what’s gotten to him.” Silence as Dan listens to whoever it is on the other side of the phone call.

“I don’t know. I’m getting tired of this. Sometimes I just want to run and never come back.” Phil is rooted to the spot, he wants to stop listening but he can’t seem to move.

“He’s in his room. And he’s not talking to me. There are times when I think that we’re better off this way, you know?” Another silence from Dan, as tears started forming on Phil’s eyes.

“I sometimes wonder what would happen if I didn’t know Phil, and I just don’t know man. I want to break…” Dan heard a door slam somewhere in the house. “Hey, Peej I need to go check on Phil.”

“What happened? Is everything alright?” Dan could hear the concern on his friend’s voice.

“I don’t know. It must be Phil. Talk to you later.” He didn’t wait for PJ’s response, he threw his phone on the bed and started towards Phil’s room.

“Hey Philly, is there something wrong?” He called as he tried to open Phil’s door.

“Why is your door locked? Are you alright? Please answer me babe.” Dan waited for some time before knocking on the door again. “Phil? Come on, open this door. Please” He had his forehead on the door, so he almost fell over when Phil opened the door.

“Are you…” He stopped suddenly when he noticed the overnight bag slung over Phil’s shoulder.

“Where are you going? What’s happening… are you… are you crying? Talk to me babe, come on.” Dan kept talking as he reached for Phil’s hand to hold between his own. “Babe?” He called.

Phil turned his head to the side so Dan wouldn’t see his face fully. “I’ll be staying over at some friend tonight.”

“wha- what? Who’s this friend? What’s wrong Phil?!” Dan couldn’t help but raise his voice a little. He’s feeling frustrated, confused, and scared. Why is Phil leaving him?

“Why don’t you ask yourself Dan? You’re the one who wants to break up with me right? Why? Are you so ashamed of me that you’re scared people will find out about us?” Phil stated as tears run down his eyes again.

“What are you saying? I’m not ashamed of you!” Dan is full on panicking now, he’s clinging to Phil showing how afraid he is of him leaving.

“It doesn’t matter anymore, I’m saving you of all the hardships. I’m breaking up with you Dan.” He said it with a finality that scared the hell out of Dan. It also made him angry as hell.

“YOU’RE breaking up with ME?! Is there someone else?! Are you making these things up so you can break up with me and be with someone else?!”

“Dan, you know how much I love you, but I can’t stay like this forever. I don’t want to be your dirty little secret anymore. You know, if I can only decide for the both of us, I will scream to the whole world to let them know that we’re together. Unfortunately, I can’t do that because I’m thinking about you. I care for you too much that I’d rather not do something that would definitely make me the happiest person if I know that it would only make you sad. And I’m hurt because I’m willing to sacrifice my happiness for you but there you are thinking about breaking up with me. And I just can’t deal with this anymore. I need some time off.”

Dan couldn’t think of anything to say. He didn’t even realize that Phil is already at the door until he called out an “I love you so much” to Dan.

And just like that Phil is gone. He let someone as beautiful, innocent and perfect as Phil out of his hands. And he didn’t even do anything to make him stay.