Living A Lie

Chapter 1

It's dark. I can't make out the shapes around me. My eyes begin to adjust. There's something around my ankle. I'm floating. Where am I?! I realize I have been holding my breath, so I exhale and attempt to inhale. Water fills my lungs. My eyes have adjusted now and I can see fish swimming all around me. I can't breath, I'm drowning. Someone help!!!! I can't die now!! I tug at the thing around my ankle, it won't budge. I'm going to die, right here, right now. I keep trying despirately to swim up. Nothing works.

Suddenly I'm sitting up, eyes flinging open. It was just a dream, I'm okay. It had felt so real. I try and slow down my breathing and get my heart beat back down to normal. I glance over at the clock, 3:45 AM. Joy, it's only been 20 minutes since I Last woke up. This is how it's been for the last two months. I can't sleep, and when I finally fall asleep, I wake up because of either panic attacks or nightmares.

Just sleep Raven, it's okay. I stare at the ceiling, trying to fall asleep. I stay in this position for what feels like forever. I roll on my side and look at the clock, 5:07. There's no point in lying on my back staring at nothing, so I decide to get up. I roll out of bed and lazily make my way to the bathroom down the hall.

I turn on the light and stare at my feflection in the dirty mirror. I have big deep brown eyes, and freckles splatter my nose and cheeks. My violet purple hair hangs wavy and extends to the bottom of my shoulder blades. I have spiderbites on the left side of my lower lip. I currently have hoops in them, purple to match my hair.

The corners of my lips turn down. I'm not happy with myself. My eyes used to be filled with wonder and life. Now they just stare back at me, tired and angry. The life was sucked out of me starting about ten months ago. Life has been difficult, well more difficult than it usually is for me.

I sigh and turn on the sink, splashing water in my face. The water is cold and it helps wake me up. I pick up a semi-dirty towel and dry my face off. I head back to my room, careful not to wake my mother.

I plug in my flat iron, and waiting for that to heat up, I apply the only makeup I ever wear; mascara and eyeliner. I then straighten my hair. Once I'm satisfied, well as satisfied as I can be with myself, I unplug my flat iron. I change out the purple hoops in my lip for black studs. I change out of my current clothes and throw on some clean ones. I put on my black converse, lacing them up.

It's only 5:30, but I grab my school bag, my phone, and my headphones before heading out the door. School doesn't start for another two hours and fifteen minutes, but I hate being in that house.

I walk two blocks down the street to the park. I've come here a lot recently, it helps me calm myself. It's still dark out, but I easily find my way to the swings. I put down my bag and sit in the nearest swing. I close my eyes and memories of my dad come flooding back. We used to come here a lot, my parents and I. We laughed and had fun, but that was seven years ago. My dad died when I was ten. He was hit by a drunk driver when he was coming home from work one night. Well, it wasn't just any night, it was the night of my tenth birthday. He died in the hospital two hours after the crash. I've hated my birthday since.

Tears fill my eyes at the thought of my dad, so I blink them back. I pull out my phone and headphones and push shuffle. This Is Gospel by Panic! At The Disco fills my ears. I start swinging sowly and shut my eyes, absorbing the music and peace. I wish it could stay like this forever.