Save Me

Chapter Two

~Chapter Two~

Now the horses just looked like like crappy kids' wallpaper art. They didn't take me anywhere. They couldn't. Now i knew they never could, which i thought was so sad. Like my whole life was all a big dumb dream.

I heard clicking against the door knob and groaned. Ofcourse the key. Dr. Heiler, my counselor, gave my mom permission to use a key and come into my room whenever she pleased. Just in case, you know. As a precaution, you know. There was that whole suicide issue, you know. So now anytime i didn't answer her knock she'd come right in anyway, the cordless in her hand, just in case she walked in and i was lying in a pool of razor blades and blood on my daisy-shaped throw rug.

"Good, your awake," she said. She smiled and bustled over to the window. She reached up and pulled the Venetian blinds open. I squinted against the early morning sunlight.

"You're in a suit," i said, shading my eyes with my forearm.

She reached down with her free hand and smoothed the camel-colored skirt around her thighs. It was tentative, like it was the first time she'd ever dressed up before. For a minute she looked insecure as i was, which made me feel sad for her.

"Yeah," she said, using the same hand to pat the back of her hair. "I figured since your going away to your new school, I should, you know, start trying to get back full time at the office."

I pulled myself to a sitting position. My head felt sort of flat in the back from lying down so long and my leg twinged a little. I absently rubbed the dent in my thigh under the sheets. "On my first day?"

She stumbled over to me, high-stepping over a pile of dirty laundry. "Well... yeah. Its been a few months, Ana. Dr. Heiler thinks its fine for me to go back. And I'll still be here if you need anything, Me and Dr. Heiler will." She sat on the side of my bed and stroked my hair. "You'll be fine."

"How can you be so sure?" i asked. "How do you know i'll be alright? You can't know. I wasn't okay last May and you didn't know that." I pulled myself out of bed. My chest felt tight and i wasn't sure i wasn't going to cry.

She sat, gripping the cordless in front of her. "I just know, Anastasia. That day wont ever happen again, honey. Eli....he's gone. Now try not to get all upset, just think of it as a new start."

Too late. I was already upset. The longer she sat on the side of my bed and stroked my hair the way she used to do when i was little and i smelled the perfume that i thought of as her 'work perfume,' the more real it was.

"We all agreed that this was best, Ana, remember?" she said. "Sitting in Dr. Heiler's office we decided that a new beginning was a good option for you. You agreed." she shrugged, shaking her head.

"Mom," I said, but i couldn't think of a great argument. She was right. Maybe a fresh start wasn't so bad.

I snapped my mouth shut and turned toward the clean T-shirt and jeans that layed folded on my bed. "Fine. I'll get ready," i said.

I cant say that she smiled just then. She did something that was kind of like a smile, only it looked a little painful. She took a couple false starts toward the door and then apparently decided it was a good decision and headed for it completely, gripping the phone in both hands. I wondered if she'd accidentally take the phone to work with her, thumb still poised over the 9.

"Good. I'll wait for you downstairs"

I dressed, pulling my jeans and T-shirt on haphazardly, not even caring what they looked like. It's not like dressing well was going to make me feel any better or any less conspicuous. I hobbled into the bathroom and ran a brush through my hair, which hadn't been washed in about four days. I didn't bother with makeup, either. Didn't really even know where it was. It's not like I'd been to a lot of cotillions over the summer. For most of that time i couldn't even walk.