Ghost Boy's Addiction

She's Dead (Chapter 1)

            "She's dead, get over it" you whispered to yourself as you walked to your best friend's grave. It had only been three months, the time didn't change your feelings or the fact that she was gone. Molly had been suffering, you never realized. Even though the addiction and cutting should have been a warning sign to you, it was your fault. "I should have been there for her... I'm so dumb! I could have saved her" you said as you approached the headstone. There's not much to do here, but you visit her every other week. At least you promised you would, you didn't keep that promise. You always found yourself making excuses to avoid coming here, but the guilt started to wain on you. You had to go visit her, you needed to see her. You never got proper closure, you skipped the wake, funeral, and gatherings in memorial for her, "You selfish bitch" was it really you...? Were you the selfish one? Ever since she left you always questioned who the selfish one truly was. It was neither of you, she was suffering and she couldn't handle it anymore so she passed it on to you. Maybe you deserve to suffer and think these thoughts, after all... you were a first-hand witness to her suffering and you just sat there oblivious to it. "You absolute piece of shit." the words left your mouth easily and entered your ears softly. You've gotten used to harsh words,  they seem to be the only words you hear these days. Everyone blames you, even yourself. You are forced every day to listen to your inner thoughts and everyone around you, it doesn't help. Things will never get better, you deserve this, you deserve the pain, the thoughts, the hate, the overthinking, the anxiety, and... that new ghostly feeling you just felt run along your spine. "What the fuck?"