Love me? You love me? - Merthur

Love me? You love me?

Stars appeared in the sky like freckles in the summer as the sun let the moon take over guarding Camelot. In the castle, last minute preparations were on everyone's mind as time ticked on towards the big day. The king's manservant dodged between decorations, food and other nimble servants as he carried his master’s dinner to the royal chamber. He pushed open the door with his free hand, the other balancing the dinner unsteadily, before tripping over some rouge items of clothing and sending the food, and himself, crashing.  The king did not speak, however, and did not seem to acknowledge his presence.

"Are you alright, sire?"  Merlin offered the question tentatively. The atmosphere in the room worried Merlin: it was heavy and quiet compared to the bustling hallways outside, similar to the eye of a storm. He feared the worst was yet to come.

"Yes, yes," the king dismissed the other man's concerns with a wave of his hand from where he was sitting at the table. "I was simply thinking about tomorrow and Guinevere and our future together."

Merlin cursed himself silently and tried to control his racing heart and frantic thoughts. Stupid, stupid boy. Gwen loves Arthur and Arthur loves Gwen. Arthur took his legs down from where they were lying crossed on the table and sat up properly. They are getting married in the morning, whether you like it or not. He took in his surroundings and begin to notice his dinner scattered around his room. You are being selfish and will only come out of this heartbroken. Slowly, he sauntered across the room until he was standing in front of Merlin, his look of annoyance and authority ruined by the smile tugging at his lips. He could return the feeling, and what then? Surely you must at least try? 

"Merlin, why on earth is my dinner strewn across my floor? I am the king and therefore I do have some standards." The smile plucked at his mouth again, wanting to break free, and his eyes were full of mirth.

"Is this what you want, Arthur? Are you really happy?" Merlin pressed. The wave of courage which had swallowed him up so violently a few seconds ago had subsided. 

The mirth in Arthur's eyes drained from them at once and the smile lost all of its energy. "What else would I want, Merlin?" Merlin was uncharacteristically silent and refused to look his master in the eye. Silence began to fall like dust, but the king refused to let it hit the ground. "Why do you even care?" demanded Arthur, shifting from foot to foot and pacing backwards and forwards slightly. "Why, Merlin?"

It was then Merlin looked up from the spot in the floor he had been intently staring at and found Arthur's eyes only an inch away. They were so close Merlin could count the different colours in his eyes and the freckles and moles and scars which blemished his king's skin. Except they were not blemishes: they told stories of noble fights and of how much the sun loved Arthur. They made him beautiful, no, exquisite, and if Merlin ever had the chance to count all of the blemishes on Arthur's body he knew the number could never come close to the number of reasons why he loved him.

"Because I love you!" He had needed to get the words out and tell Arthur how he felt even though he knew he could never find the words to describe his love for the other man.

"Love me? You love me?"

"Yes! I do!"

"Why then, Merlin, have you been so stupid and never mentioned it before? And why did you choose the night before my wedding to tell me?"

Merlin did not reply, could not reply, as all of his worst fears had come true: Arthur did not feel the same way. Tears burned in Merlin's eyes but he would not let them fall. He would be the better man and turn his back on Camelot and on Arthur. 

When Merlin felt a drop splash onto his cheek he knew he had been kidding himself. He could never leave Arthur. He would simply have to work his way around the problem, maybe find a spell to make Arthur forget it ever happened. His weakness poured out of him for his whole world to see. The tears would not stop, giving him red, puffy eyes and a running nose as well showing off his fragility.

"Merlin," Arthur's voice was quiet and sombre. "How am I meant to tell the kingdom that I cannot go through with the wedding because I love another? See what you've done now!"

"W-What?" Merlin jerked his eyes from where they rested on the spot on the floor to Arthur, his brow knotted in confusion. Arthur grabbed his arms and pulled them closer together until their foreheads were touching and they were the only people left in the world.

"I love you," Arthur elaborated, emphasising each word. He grinned for a second before trying, and failing, to wipe away the tears that were now freely falling down Merlin's face. "Why? Why?" Arthur muttered over and over again, his own face now soaked with salted tears and his voice shaking. Both men cried in the otherwise empty room, their foreheards pressed together and their silent sobbing only being interrupted by Arthur's frequent 'whys'.

A plan slowly formed in Merlin's mind as he stood there, trying to process the new information.  He opened his mouth to speak but no words would come out. Where could he begin? There were no words he could use that would express what he wanted to say, so he chose to show Arthur instead.

If someone was listening carefully through the hurricane of whys emitting from Arthur, they would have heard a gentle "I'm sorry." It was so quiet it could have been passed off as the wind, but nevertheless it was there. If someone was watching carefully through the waterfall of tears, they would have seen the raven-haired boy's eyes turn from their usual colour to a glistening gold. That was the moment everything changed in Camelot.