Sucked in || Wilbur Soot Fanfic DISCONT !

21 - Therapy

A couple of days had passed. I had decided to publicly announce that I'll be taking a break from all media, including streaming.

Wil and I barely spoke 2 sentences to each other since he dropped me off from Twitchcon. I had told him I just need to collect myself for a couple of days before I go and see him in person. He seemed to be doing fine though, he was still streaming, which was good. I couldn't get myself to actually watch his streams though.

These past few days, I have spent watching youtube and netflix, talking to Minx, Niki, George, etc. and just trying to distract myself from my own thoughts. That only worked during the day though, because when I tried to go to sleep alone without Wil by my side, I broke out into tears almost every night without him. I needed him, but I didn't want him to be with me when I'm in such a mentally unwell and fragile state. When I was left alone with my own thoughts during the night, it never was pretty.

Maybe all would get better soon though. Today was my first day of therapy. (or theorpy, as Tommy would say.)

I had gotten into my car, and made my way to my appointment. 

Someone had directed me to my room after I had given them my information and signed a few papers.

I had walked in, and sat down on the couch. A woman with blonde hair and glasses was in front of me, with a notebook. She had seemed to be in her mid 30s, so maybe talking to someone who isn't incredibly older than me would make things less awkward.

"Ah hello! Ella Robins, I presume?" She asks.

"Yes, that's right." I reply.

"Well, It's nice to meet you. I'm Dr.Martins- but you can call me Stacy." She had said, with a warm smile. 

"Nice to meet you." I say, smiling back.

"Same here. Now, I understand the recent events you have gone through. Could you possibly elaborate on the past you had with the man who tried to hurt you?" She asks, cautiously. 

"Well, he and I dated for about 3 years when I was back in uni. We broke it off almost three years ago. Um, back when he and I were dating he also had abused me, verbally, mentally, physically, you know, all of that. He started heavily drinking and got mad when I would try to help him. Things never got extremely violent to the point where he made me bleed or anything, but he did cause me bruises and scars. It was very toxic, but I thought I could fix him, so I stayed. I was very wrong." I say, with a sarcastic chuckle towards the end.

"Do you yourself feel as if you have gotten over the trauma he has caused you years ago?" She asks.

"Erm, well..." I say, with a moment of silence as I try to think. "I mean, I'm not sure if I've completely gotten over it, especially with current events happening. Um, my current boyfriend definitely helped me in terms of growth, but I think there will always be a part of me that won't completely disregard what happened in the past." I say. That was the first time I had actually admitted anything like that, out loud. 

As I see her writing things down in her notebook, she asks, "Were you ever scared of the past repeating with your current boyfriend? Any thoughts, or overthinking maybe?"

"In the beginning, I wanted to be cautious since this was the first- well, in all honestly I've only had two serious relationships, counting this one. I mean this was the first and only relationship I had gotten into after Daniel. With Wil, my current boyfriend, I was cautious in the beginning because I didn't want to get hurt. But after being with him for a couple of months, I knew he could never do anything to hurt me. This time, the love is different. It's pure and I don't want to ruin it. I don't know what I would do without him. He's always treated me with his best." I say.

"That's good to hear. It looks like you gave yourself time to heal before getting into another relationship. But with the recent attempt and situation, do you think it affects anything with you and Wil? Or more importantly, you and yourself?" She asks.

That was the question I dreaded answering. As much as I wanted to say, "No of course not! Although I had been drugged and almost sexually assaulted, this doesn't change anything between Wil and me! Nor does it with my mental health! I am doing completely fine!", I couldn't. That wasn't near the truth at all.

"Given the current situation, I do think it has affected my mental health. A lot. It's made me scared all over again. I am pressing charges, which makes me feel better. I am getting a restraining order, which makes me feel A LOT better. But knowing that history just repeated itself in a sick, twisted way makes me feel... unsecured. As for Wil and me.. I love him with all of my heart. I don't know what I would do if I lost him." I say, truthfully.

"But.. you can't be with Wil right now. You need to focus on yourself mentally and take time to heal. Now I'm sure this time it won't be years, and seeing that you love him a lot, you probably won't be able to restrain yourself from him for longer than a month or so. But, you need to be 100% comfortable with your mind, before you can go back to loving someone else's." Stacy says.

"Yeah.. I-I couldn't bring myself to say any of that out loud. As much as it hurts, it's the truth. I need a break from Wil to focus on myself, as cliche as that sounds. I forgot to tell you that I'm a content creator as well, and that I've announced on all of my social media's that I'll be taking a break and explaining everything when I'm ready. Wil actually helped me with that bit. Looking back at it, he helped me with everything. He was the one who found me and took me to the hospital, and wouldn't leave my side." I say, with tears flooding my eyes. I didn't want to let any escape though.

"Now now, don't cry it's okay. Wil sounds like a great man, and I'm sure, given all that you've told me, he'll understand that you need a month or so to yourself. Breaks happen all the time in relationships, and once you go back to him, the relationship will be stronger than ever, with nothing in your way." She says, whilst handing me a box of tissues so I can wipe my eyes.

"Ella, you've only made wonderful decisions ever since you got out of that terrible relationship. You can now differentiate what's good and bad in a relationship, which is great. It sounds to me that you have gotten into a relationship where there isn't much 'bad' going on. And taking a break from social media is a great decision as well.  I'm glad to see that you know what's good for you, and what isn't. Your mind has definitely matured." She says, with a smile. It made me feel good about myself. A lot of pressure was taken off of my chest.

The session had lasted for about an hour, and I had gone home after it. We talked more about my past, and the recent attempt, and ways to cope. Maybe I wasn't as broken as I thought I was, but there were still parts of me that needed to be... "fixed".

As I got home, It's 4 pm. It's still pretty early. I was finally thinking straight and I knew that it was better to talk to Wil now, since I know what I need.

The faster this month break from our relationship gets started, the sooner It'll end.

Els💝

Can we talk at my place? 6 pm?

Wil<3

I would love to 

I was extremely proud of myself today. Getting all of my feelings out, and finally realizing what I need to do in order to heal. Wil definitely wasn't the problem and I need him to know that, I just can't be with someone as great as him right now. I also don't want him to be with someone as sad as me right now. This one month break is probably going to be the longest month of my life, considering that I'm madly in love with Wilbur Soot.

I don't even know how I'm going to say anything to him. As much as I don't want to take a break from him, I have to. God, I can't even imagine his face as I tell him the "news".

This is going to be one of the hardest things I'll ever have to do, but, it'll be worth it.