𝐁𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐁𝐢𝐫𝐝

You don't remember exactly when you first started fancying Merula Snyde.

It obviously hasn't always been this way. You were eleven when you first met, and had barely outgrown the cooties phase. For the first two years at Hogwarts, Merula was an annoyance, occasionally a genuine threat, but mostly nothing more than a persistent fly that you couldn't quite swat. That's not to say you ever hated her or went out of your way to cause her harm; hell, you even grudgingly helped her out a couple of times. But generally, you were perfectly happy to leave well enough alone, and hope, albeit largely in vain, that she might return the favour.

The summer before third year was when you started dreaming about girls. The sort of dream that would have you waking up sweating in bed, in sore need of a few Cleaning Charms. Even then, it was hard to call that a crush. You dreamed of Merula, sure, but you also dreamed of just about every other girl close to your age that you knew. Penny. Tonks. Tulip, after a while. (You don't remember ever dreaming about Ismelda, but that's hardly a surprise.) These dreams frightened you more than a bit, because you knew you were only supposed to be with one person. When you finally mustered up the courage to ask your mum about all of this, she told you not to worry, that this was normal for teenage boys and everything would sort itself out in time, and that in the meantime you ought to treat all your female friends with courtesy and respect. You took that advice to heart, and have followed it ever since.

You're older now, wiser. You haven't started dating yet, unlike most of your classmates. You want to get your head straight first before taking the plunge. Of course, your reticence has not gone unnoticed, and has resulted in all kinds of speculation about your sexual proclivities, most often centring on your friendship with Rowan. The two of you laugh about it in the dormitory, of course. After all you've been through, this is water off a duck's back. You've been the subject of far worse rumours before.

The opinions you really care about are those of your friends. Rowan, bless him, is as unobservant as they come, which isn't that surprising given his nose is always stuck in a book. Even though he's occasionally teased you about Penny, you're quite sure he'll never notice the glances you sneak at Merula in Potions class or at mealtimes in the Great Hall, not unless you openly admit you fancy the girl. Which you've thought about. A burden shared is a burden halved, and all. But Rowan has always disliked Merula more than you do, from that very first argument outside the Potions classroom. You've never forgotten that he wanted to leave her behind in the cursed ice at the end of first year. No, he wouldn't understand.

The others are all out of the question, for various reasons. You've considered going to Bill – the bloke is like an older brother to you – but he's always busy with prefect and Head Boy duties, not to mention keeping his actual brothers in line. You don't want to be another weight on his shoulders. Ben is afraid of girls (no surprises there). Tulip, in her own words, is "too busy for romance". Tonks… you're not sure Tonks ever takes anything seriously. Andre could be of help, but you don't feel like you know him well enough yet. Same goes for Charlie, and the thought of confiding in Barnaby makes you snort pumpkin juice all over the Hufflepuff table.

The one person you hope never finds out about your inmost thoughts is Penny. Oh, Penny. In many ways, she's as close a friend to you as Rowan is, and in some ways perhaps closer. If what you've been through together when searching for the Cursed Vaults wasn't enough to cement your friendship, then the incident in third year with the Forgetfulness Potion certainly did. Your chest swells with pride when you think that, of all her friends at Hogwarts (and there are very few people she isn't friends with), you're the one she opened up to and trusted with her deepest secret – you and no one else. You're quite sure there is no one at Hogwarts who knows her better than you do.