Libby's Forums & Updates

21-Jan-2021 | Milestones

Oh hey, 

I've just realised there are five thousand of you that follow my profile. 

As in... five thousand. 

That's a lot of people - um, hi? How do I even address five thousand people, I can barely dress myself most days, and I forget my own name. 

Not gonna lie, the amount of times that I write something up on here under my real name instead of my pseudonym is embarrassing. 

But, five thousand, it's a large amount. Most accounts on Wattpad are lower, and there are several higher too, but on this site we measure our 'popularity', I guess, by the amount of reads generated on our stories rather than our profile following. 

But five thousand is kind of a middle bracket. I always saw it as, you know, that's how you know someone in Wattpad is a popular author, when they reach 5,000. Never in my wildest dreams did I think it would one day be me. 

And yet, here we are. 

I'm apparently quite popular, by my own definition, and now I'm looking at that number with a sense of anxiety, and I'm slowly backing into a corner where I can't see that big-arse number blinking at me. 

I'm not good with attention. I, well, I'm just not. I know that psychologically there are probably reasons, but there not for this site to know. But I'm not good with attention. When someone compliments me I'm quite confused, and when someone praises my work, I blink a little and wave it off like they've been dared to say something.

When I finish writing my stories, like the Behind Closed Gates trilogy, or T&T, as soon as it hits complete I don't spend as much time reading them, or looking at comments. Because from that point, it's not entirely my book anymore - it's yours. 

I haven't seen every comment, and some comments I see I can't reply to, because they're legitimately so nice that it's overwhelming. 

T&T is almost at 2 million reads as of today - but March 7th 2020, it was at 500,000. How the SHIT did that happen, I feel like I blinked? 

I don't like looking at numbers. I don't like attention, I'm very easily overwhelmed by positive comments and praise, I tend to back away. 

Yet, I made a promise to myself on NYD, this year, that I wouldn't live in fear - I'd live in love. 

So, I'm going to try to be better at acknowledging milestones, numbers, and praise. Today, I did that, but we're doing baby steps. I'm never going to be great with compliments, that's not happening any time soon, but hopefully I can manage, with each day this year I dedicate to living with love and not fear, I can manage to be better. 

This is such a privileged thing to be talking about, I know that. It's weird, and incredibly modern, incredibly 21st Century to be discussing the aspect of overwhelming popularity. Yet, it's something I feel the need to at least get onto a page in these little forum updates because I didn't grow up with high numbers or popularity. 

I didn't grow up in luxury - so seeing that I'm now in a luxurious position, it's jarring, to say the least. 

And it's not like I'm earning anything by this either, which is also overwhelming in another way entirely. You're following me, just because. It's as though you...oh dear...enjoy my work and want to read more of it. Maybe you enjoy my quirky updates or dorky references in everything, and how meticulous and pedantic I am, or my formal way of writing. 

I bet some of you follow me because I'm one of the few Aussie writers on here, in a sea of North American users. Maybe because I'm also English, and my stories are familiar in their tone. 

Maybe I just remind you of home. 

And, my goodness, that's overwhelming too. 

I had a comment a few weeks back that praised T&T because it made them "feel safe". It's one of the best compliments I've received on my work throughout my entire eight years on Wattpad, and I hold onto that. I wish I could love-heart react to things, or express how much the comments mean, and how close I keep them to my heart. 

On my days of low confidence, I go back to the epilogues of T&T and read your comments. I can last about, maybe, five scrolls or so before I immediately back out because your positivity is so beautiful and it's indescribable how empowering it can be. Which, in a way, is a perfect place for those comments to be - in a book of empowerment and overcoming your own state of mind, finding your inner strength. 

Having five thousand of you follow me, because you enjoy my work and enjoy my little author's notes, means a lot, in the most indescribable and beautiful of ways. 

Thank you. Truly, thank you. I hope you keep on enjoying my works, my little tid-bits, and that you keep finding home and safety in my stories. 

I'm still blown away that there are five thousand of you that follow me. I can't picture that. That's the size of a theatre. We could fill a theatre. Wow, imagine us all in a theatre together and I just read out T&T to you, and chat about books. That would be great. I'd love that - I'd be scared shitless, but I'd love it. 

I should probably start writing faster, now that there are five thousand of you waiting...I'll keep browsing Etsy and making giant cookies. 

With love, 

Libby x 

P.S. Take a shot each time I say 'five thousand'.