January of 2014... Yeah I think thats when it happened. I had died. I was no longer Amina. I was a spirit.
They say you go to hell if your death is caused by suicide. I'm not so sure that 100% true. Where I am now dosent feel or look like hell. Its like an ever lasting paradise. Some place I've drempt of going all my life.
It was about 12 at night. Everyone in the house was sleeping. I just layed there stairing at the ceiling. Tears ran down the side of my face.
I knew tonight had been the night to do what I had to do.
I went over to my sisters bed and just looked at her sleep so peacefully. Then I walked to the kitched where the medicine capnet had been.
I remember searching through this bright yellow container of medications . Searching for the strongest one.
I grabbed about two or three bottles and grabed a solo cup from the counter.
This didn't feel real. I felt like I was dreaming again. I couldn't believe I finally had the courage to take my own life.
There was just one more thing left to do. I sat the pills and cup down and opened the refrigerator, and grabbed the bottle of left over alcohol my parents had drunken for new years. I made sure I pulled a full cup of it.
Walking down the hallway into bathroom I felt like this was it. My last moments, my last breath. This is what I would left with in my dying moments. Staring at the hand full of pills in my right hand, and the cup of alcohol in the other.
As I sat there and cried like a baby I opened my mouth and shoved the pills in there. I looked down at the marks on my wrist and remembered why I was doing this.
It was my time to go. I tilted my head back and drank the cup of alcohol.
I remember sitting there for 5 minutes waiting for the pills to kick in. Each minute I got worse. I began sweating, then I felt like I couldn't feel any of my limbs. After that I just closed my eyes. I could feel myself slipping away.
