Hermitcraft Oneshots

Who am I?- ISKALL ANGST

ART NOT MINE! CREDIT TO @tenflu ON TWITTER

TRIGGERS

-Misgendering

-Mentions of self-doubt/self-hatred

-Self-harm, mentions of cutting

-Panic attack

-Hurt with no comfort

-Hurt with comfort

-ENBY ISKALL (TO CLEAR SOME THINGS UP, HIS INGAME CHARACTER TECHNICALLY IS NON-BINARY, BASICALLY SOMEONE DONATED TO A STREAM ASKING FOR NON-BINARY RIGHTS, AND HE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT THAT WAS, WHEN HE DID FIND OUT, HE TWEETED, "Screw you Notch, my character doesn't have a gender", SO TECHNICALLY CANNON?)

Iskall POV

Iskall sat with their legs dangling over the hot and humid jungle, looked out at the night sky, full of thousands and thousands of stars. They sat there, deep in thought, legs kicking against each other like a little kid. They didn't know why they were there, but they knew they had to get away from the other hermits after the sever meeting. They could still hear the echoing voice of Mumbo, joking around about nonsense as usual, when he so briefly mentioned something that Iskall was terrified of, and hated thinking about. Pronouns. They got so scared, all colour draining from their face and thinking that the game was up, all the other hermits only knew them as a guy with he/him pronouns, and they just knew the other hermits would shun them for fitting outside the gender norm. They didn't even know what any of this stuff meant, and they practically ran from the room, mentioning some dumb excuse about "Needing to burn some diorite" No one knew where their secret den was anyway, so they had a few hours to think up of excuses for their sudden disappearance.

They suddenly snapped out of their thoughts, and looked around at their surroundings, at the small treehouse up in the tallest tree in the jungle. There was a small cocoon-shaped space, with thick foliage protecting it from the weather. Fairy lights were strung from the branches, and a noticeable dent shape was visible among the pillows and blankets. Iskall supposed it was a comfort space of sorts, but over the year it had become a place to let out their bottled feelings. 

Distantly, they knew it was unhealthy to keep up the facade that they were fine, but over the years they had built up this persona to mask their true feelings. Every now and then, it had become too much and they had to escape to their den, evading the other hermits and letting it all out. They would stay curled up, gasping for breath and clutching at anything they could while they sobbed. It had gotten worse recently, with them being unable to prevent themselves from using a blade to mark their arms, again and again, blood staining the blankets.

Any sane person would wonder why Iskall put themselves into such a situation, and the truth was that Iskall wasn't even sure themselves. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that every time another hermit referred to Iskall as "dude", or anything remotely masculine they violently flinched and felt a little shock of hatred go down their spine. They even began to try wearing dresses and jumpsuits in private, secretly loving the way the stereotypically feminine clothes felt on them. They were sure that the other hermits would hate them for it though and didn't dare talk to anyone about this. 

The looked up at the moon, and started to feel overwhelmed from the circling thoughts, when suddenly they all swooped down on them like a bird of prey. They stumbled, as all the thoughts seemed to echo through his skull. "Stupid" "Worthless" "Ugly" "Selfish" They felt their breath start to quicken as they felt a full-fledged panic attack started to form. They grabbed at the empty air, clawing at the vines as they felt tears streaming down their face. They looked down at their hand, where a shining diamond sword sat next to them. Gasping for breath, as they felt their lungs contract again and again as they failed to draw in a breath. Raising the blade, they raised it above their arm, craving the sweet release of pain to calm them down. They hated being in this state and cutting seemed to be their only option. 

They sliced down and gasped at the sudden sting. They continued, adding a new cut for each flaw. "Sensitive" Cut  "Selfish" Cut  This continued until they felt some small sense of relief come to them as their breathing evened out again. They seemed to come out of a trance and saw the bloodstains on the sword and their arms and hastily used some vines as temporary bandages, carefully trying to clean themselves up.

They didn't know what was wrong with them, surely no "normal" guy would react like this to normal interactions. They didn't even know when they had started referring to themselves with neutral pronouns. They didn't know how many times they had wished they were just normal, instead of this overly reactive, confusing mess of a person. "Who am I?" They wondered aloud. They sat in the jungle for a while, the concept of time completely leaving them, before returning into their den and collapsing in their bed, exhausted from all the thinking.

TIME SKIP TO THE NEXT DAY WHO KNOWS I'M THE AUTHOR DEAL WITH IT

Iskall woke with a little start and remembered the events of yesterday and groaned. They hadn't meant to fall asleep and they knew the other hermits would be frantic looking for them. They glanced at their communicator. The screen was lit up with messages asking where they were, with messages of concern about the meeting. They sent a quick message saying they were OK and to leave them for a while. 

Iskall decided to leave that for the minute and deal with the aftermath of their panic attack. They looked down at their diamond sword with dark red stains dried on the blade. Their arms also had a dull ache to them and were messily wrapped with vines, with blood clearly seeping through. They sighed and went to clean their arms when a small voice interrupted them.

"Iskall?"

WORDS: 922 (If I believe google docs)

WOULD YOU BELIEVE ME IF I TOLD YOU I WROTE THIS ALL IN ONE SITTING AT 5 AM AFTER PULLING AN ALL-NIGHTER WHILE BEING HIGH ON MONSTER ENERGY. I SHOULD PROBABLY SLEEP. OH WELL.

Also, please leave feedback in the comment form as this is the first oneshot in the book!

Thanks for reading, remember to drink water and take care of yourselves!