you just can't be replaced | unfinished + unedited

swallowing knives

*amys pov*

five minutes before jake and i planned to leave for lunch i feel my phone buzzing through my desk drawer so i take it out to see who's contacting me. my heart stops and i feel like my whole world is closing in. its teddy again.

he's been trying to contact me none stop since that night, countless of calls everyday, texts, voicemails, everything you can think of and every time it makes my body go into shock. i decline the call and take a deep breath touching my neck lightly as i feel it closing up. i notice jake looking at me with a concerned look. "want to get some air?" he asks softly making sure im okay, i nod and we both get up and head to the lobby. when we make it outside i cant help but gasp for air and a few tears leave my eyes. i cant believe im doing this in front of jake. he places both his hands on my shoulders. "hey amy, just take some deep breaths, you're okay, just try and calm down" he says softly guiding me while counting to breathe. after a few minutes i calm down slightly covering my face with my hands "im sorry you had to see this" i say feeling guilt and embarrassment. he reaches over to me and uncovers my face and looks at me, "don't apologize, you've done nothing wrong, your feelings are valid and its okay to feel them"

its like all his weirdness left, the way he was acting days before, the way that had me overthink and worry, it was all gone, he was just jake, but a jake ive never fully seen before, sure he's always been supportive and caring but not like this. not this much. its like he devoted his feelings all to me. if i wasn't mid panic attack maybe id start to overthink about the way he's acting, maybe id be concerned but right now i have bigger things to worry about. "jake..." i say with a pause unsure about what im about to say next. he nods slightly looking into my eyes. "i think i need to tell you something, but not here, we have to go somewhere else, somewhere private" i say swallowing what feels like knives.

*jakes pov*

watching amy panic broke my heart into a million little pieces, she doesn't deserve to feel this way nor feel any pain, its like when she was panicking all my nerves and awkwardness left, like everything that didn't make sense about my feelings towards her just, made sense and the only thing that mattered was her, taking care of her. i tried to help her breathe and calm down, i didn't want her to pass out from hyperventilating. i kept wanting to give her a hug but i felt like it could be too much, i didn't want to invade her space, especially while she was panicking this way, i just want her to feel good.

after a few minutes her breathing starts to slow down and she calms down a little, tears still rushing down her face she looks at me with sad and scared eyes, eyes that by the look of them you just know that its not good news. she lifts her head up slightly and looks at me. "jake..." my heart stops, there's so many possibilities to what comes after jake, so many bad things, so many ways to worry, so many ways to panic, i manage to remain calm long enough for her to finish her sentence. she wants to tell me something.

-jj