What's on my mind (Todobaku)

Chapter 10

Chapter 10

TW: homophobia

Todoroki Pov

No one told me that it would feel this way. Thursday was amazing, I felt so at peace. But now I did not. When I woke up Friday morning and went into the bathroom to get ready for school, I realized one thing. Bakugo had taken my blades. I checked my usual hiding spot in the middle of the magazine that I left on my sink counter and I checked all my drawers but they were gone. It was now Sunday and I felt terrible.

I don't even know why it felt so bad to be apart from the razors. I mean it's not like I even cut every day. I've definitely gone this long before without cutting. But the thought of not being able to cut if I needed to just terrified me and made me feel so angry for no reason at all.

I just don't get it! What's so bad about even cutting in the first place. It's not going to kill me.

The knock at the door pulled me from my thoughts I unraveled my hands to see the imprint that my nails made from digging them into the palms of my hands.

"Come in" I called and Bakugo opened the door, he walked in and sat next to me without asking. "Bakugo, what are you doing here?"

"Shoto, I'm sorry. I only took them from you for your own good, I just want to help you; please don't be mad."

"Well, I am mad. I was doing fine, I was happy for once, and now I feel terrible. . . Just get out" The last part with a terrifyingly calm voice.

"Sho-"

"I said just get out."

"Ok," he said with a defeated sigh as he quietly stood up and walked towards the door "But I'm still here for you, just don't forget." he slipped out the door and I put my head in my hands. Why did I have to be like this, why am I so dumb.

* * *

When I was in second grade, I found out that I liked boys the way I should like girls. You see there was this guy and I really liked him. It was around the time that all of my classmates were getting fake marriages with each other at recess, and making up silly code words for their fake crushes. But I didn't want to marry a girl, I wanted to marry him. So, at school dismissal one day, I kissed him. It turns out that was the wrong move because he pulled away and my dad saw. After that, my dad acted worse than before. Using that piece of information in his homophobic mind to torture me.

Today was no different, every hit was a new insult, I felt helpless like I was drowning. I wonder how the public would react if they knew that the number one hero did this to his own child, if they knew how the number one hero liked to go out drinking, or how he put his own wife in a mental hospital. Does he take joy in this? Why does he do it every single week? Do I deserve it?

Suddenly He stopped hitting me "I just remembered something" He said, his voice loud and menacing. "I was on patrol the other day and I saw you, in a little cafe with a boy. I'm not paying for you to go to school just to go out and have fun!" I was practically shaking in fear "Is he your little crush, you fuck*ng f**."

By the end, I was bleeding out on the floor everything in my body screamed at me. My head felt heavy and my brain was foggy, I probably had bruises everywhere. I couldn't move. My vision faded into sweet nothingness. I blacked out.