The Walking Dead: Love And Survive

Chapter Eight: Thought I Lost You

The days were too empty and quite. I expected any of Carver's men, excluding Tavia and Wyatt, to be poking me with their AK's rifle barrels 'til I wake up, but they did not make us to wake early. It was strange. I was suspicious. I could not help, but keep thinking that Carver somehow knew something about our plan and OR sensed something. I feared that, we all did. What made it all weird was that Carver did not even make us to work. Brian was walking around, nervously thinking, Alvin was trying to comfort Rebecca and Carlos trying to calm down Sarah, who crawled up on the ground, refusing to "function." She was too unstable and labile, any little risky or cruel thing could make her burst out. She was negligible to kill Walkers, nor pass by them. She was specially disgusted by the idea of covering herself with their blood and smell. She started having panic attacks later on, 'til she ended up losing her mind and strength totally.
I did not want to leave her behind, but I did not want to let her get anyone killed either. What I feared the most was what if Sarah gets separated from us. I didn't want her to stay alone, not if she cannot deal with Walkers. I didn't want her to get devoured by them or executed by any bad guys...
I was staring at her, thinking and closing the world out. I didn't hear anything or anyone and did not even realize things happening around me. I just lost in my thoughts. The only thing to return me was Nick.
- Hey, baby. - he kissed my neck.
The feeling of his warm, soft lips "woke" me up. I shook my head a bit.
- Oh, hey, yes yes. What - what is it?
- Are you okay? You seemed like you froze down and did not even react. Everything alright?
- Yes, yes. I was just thinking. No more.
- You sure?
- I am.
He looked suspiciously at me, but seemed to be accepting. My walkie made a cracky sound, then Tavia's voice followed it.
- Hello? Hello?
- Yes, Tavia. I'm here.
- Listen, make yourselves ready. Wyatt is gathering the herd. I will free you guys before they get in, but you gotta be fast, otherwise.. You would not end up pretty.
- Got it.
- You have your knife, right?
- Yeah.
- Take down a Walker as fast as you can and everyone cover up in their smell. Okay, I have to hurry. Make sure everyone is ready. Out.
- Everybody. - Luke gathered the attention on him. - The herd will reach here soon. Get ready. We have to make it all fast.
- Mea. - Carlos came to us. - Please, talk to Sarah. She listens to you. I cannot make her move.
I walked up to her and tried to pet her shoulder but she did not allow me. She slammed my hand down.
- Hey, Sarah. Listen to me. A big, big herd of Walkers will be here soon. I will take one down and we will cover ourselves with their smell, so they would think we are one of them, but we really, really, really must hurry. Else... Please. Look at me. I do NOT want you to get devoured, but if you stay like this.. I can't. - the cell door opened behind me.
- Mea, hurry, c'mon. - worried Brian.
- SARAH! - I yelled at her. - DO YOU WANNA DIE OR NOT? MOVE YOUR FUCKING ASS!
My words seemed to reach out to her as she got up as fast as she could have. We peeked out. They were indeed coming. A fewer of them was already in the building.
- Mea, land me your knife.
- Here, Bri, take it.
He kicked out one Walker's knee and stabbed it. He pulled the corpse into the cell and cut it open.
- Gross...
- I know Sarah, but we have to. We have to survive. Come on, sweetie. Let me cover your back. - Carlos helped her.
Brian peeked out for one more time.
- Move. Slowly. Very slowly.
- I will go for Aj.
- Alvin.. Take care.
- Don't worry, Bec, I will be fine. - he headed to Carver's office. I haven't seen him after that. Hoped he was somewhere with the others...
At first everything seemed to be working out. We were further from each other, to not be too obvious for Walkers. Things only turned bad when Sarah faced how many Walkers were there and how fucked our world was. She soonly bursted out in a panic attack and started screaming, shouting for her father. I tried telling her to shut up, but she would not listen. This let me no other choice. I had to separate her and myself from the others and find a way to run for it. I grabbed her by the wrist and ran as fast as I could have. I pushed every Walker that got in my way, hoping that neither of us would got grabbed. I kept looking left and right, front and back and watching for Sarah the same time. I was literally gambling with our lives, but after all it seemed to be the best call. I did not want to leave her, nor let her scream get others killed. I did not even realize how far we got and how long we have been running. I was just trying to make it. We ended up in a pine forest. It seemed empty, at least emptier. I breathed out.
- You're crazy... - said Sarah.
I looked at her and gave the look of I could have let you die, but I did not. She probably understood my expressions.
- Sorry.. I just...
- No need. - I whisked.
I wanted to yell at her. I wanted to scold her, but deep down I knew that if I did, she would have blocked down more because of me, than of the Walkers.
- What now?
- Find anywhere to stay for the night. Anywhere safe. - we followed the first path in our way.
Only after relaxing from the events that happened I got to the realization. I was alone with her. Everyone gone and I had no idea how to find them, nor where to start searching at all... It was the moment I wanted to freak out the most, but I could not afford to. That would have made Sarah to get scared and worried, so I just hid it. Even though it was hard... I only could hope they all made it...
- What's on your mind?
- Nothing.
- Hey, talk to me.
- No, Sarah. Trust me.
- Come on. I wanna know! Friends have no secrets.
- I'd regret if I said it. Just.. Don't make me to tell what is on my mind.
- Fine... - she crossed her arms.
The silence did not last long. She started questioning and forcing me to give out my thoughts, but I stood quite. Or told her kindly to shut the fuck up. She was already on my nerves, but I just held my words, didn't want to break her, because no way I could help or carry her on my shoulders after that and I had no need to keep feeling guilty for not being able to save her or which is worse, maybe, to die because of her. She was a human after, full of feelings, on one hand, it was understandable that she was scared and that she did not know what to do in this whole, messed-up world, nor how to protect herself from Walkers. Not everyone was built like that. But on the other hand, even if she had no clue how to defend herself, she at least should listen to us and swallow that god damn frog and follow the plan. Everything was going to be fine, but she, with her scream fucked us all. If that was not enough, I was the one, the only one from the two of us, who knew what she was doing and had the power to protect the other. My brain was a mess. Full of ideas, stress and I did not just stop thinking or worrying for a moment. I could not. I mustn't. Else we would be already dead.
- How long you gonna hold the things?
- Sarah, I am not telling you.
- But I wanna know! - she stepped in front of me.
- Sarah, in case you haven't realized, I'm right now trying to find a way for us to survive and stay safe. Understand. With these acts you are wasting time. I cannot do this now. WE cannot. - I wanted to continue walking, but she blocked me.
- I'm not moving until you do not tell me.
- Grow up. - I pushed her away and walked, then she stood in front of me again.
- No.
- Okay.. Okay. You wanna know what?
- Yes!
- We planned fucking good. You just had to hold onto the plan we made, you had no special role or work to do. And you, like a fucking 5 year old start screaming for daddy. He would have made it with us. As all the rest..! Luke, Brian, Pete, Nick, Rebecca, Alvin and AJ, Wyatt and Tavia. But no. You fucked us all. Now, frankly, I don't even know where are they now.
I haven't got the slightest idea where to start searching. And that is ALL your fucking fault. You were told what to do. Fucking incompetent. I could have let you die, but I did not. I fucking get you are not like me or others, but just, fucking l-i-s-t-e-n to us. - Mea spelled listen slowly for Sarah, in wishes that she would finally understand how things go. - And wanna know something funny? I DON'T HAVE A SINGLE CLUE WHETHER MY UNCLE, FIANCÉ OR OUR FRIENDS ARE ALIVE! Maybe your scream got your father killed, too. I DON'T KNOW! And guess what!? All weight is on me. You are fucking incompetent to find a way to survive. IF WE ARE GOING TO SURVIVE AT ALL. Maybe Carver is after us or the others, maybe not. I don't know. Maybe we get killed, maybe not. Funny no?! - I started losing my mind and laughing in my suffer. - So now Sarah, stop acting like a fucking idiot and just follow me. My fucking brain is a mess. I'm full of thoughts. I just wanna fucking make it. You heard me!? - I grinned at her angrily.
- Okay...
- Fucking finally.
I've felt horrible after giving an earful for her.. But she had to understand, I was the adult in that situation and she was the "kid". Sarah was not really experienced, it was left for me to teach her how to pull a trigger and how to survive. That's all she had do for now. Planning and securing was my duty.
- Sarah.. Listen. I'm sorry. I did not want to be so harsh, but..
- I know. You have a lotta weight on your shoulders. I got it... I just.. Wanted to know what is up. HEY! - she suddenly caught her head up and pointed forward. - I KNOW THIS PLACE. I REMEMBER THIS. COME, MEA, FOLLOW ME. - she pulled me by my wrist. She seemed really happy and relieved.
We ran cross woods, a river, until we reached out to a house. It was standing in the middle of the woods. Seemed safe from Walkers.
- THAT'S IT! - she hyped up. - That's the cabin we used to stay in before we moved! Let's check-in!
- Very well, Sarah. - I smiled and  petted her shoulder.
I grabbed my knife and walked to the door slowly. I opened and couldn't feel more relieved. The door led to a kitchen and dining room in one. Tavia was sitting at the two sides of the table with Carlos, Pete and Rebecca.
-Sweetie! - Carlos stood up and hugged his daughter. - I was so worried.
- I was too, Dad.
Sarah, Mea. I'm so happy! - Rebecca hugged both of us.
- Mea saved me!
- Good job, dear. - Bec smiled.
- Thank you for saving my daughter.
- Don't mention. - I smiled.
- Pete... - I hugged him. - I'm so happy to see you guys. - hugged him tighter.
- So are we. I'm really glad to see my favorite "daughter-in-law" alive.. Out of the seven. - he laughed.
- Thanks, old bastard. - I laughed back.
- No, really. I'm happy to see you. - he smiled. I smiled back.
I looked at Tavia. She was trying to act cold and serious, but could not stop to not smile.
- Okay fine. I was worried about you, little shit.
- I knew, hehe. - I laughed. Then looked down. - Where the others are?
- Wyatt went out looking for them. I saved as many as I could.
- And also found them. - Wyatt came in with Luke, Alvin and AJ, Brian.
- Smirre... - Brian hugged me and shrugged my hair. - You okay?
- I am. Do you?
- I could not feel better.
- Alvin! - Rebecca started crying. - You made it! And our baby, too! - she hugged both and kissed them.
- I told you I will. - he smiled.
- Hey, brother.
- Hey, sister. - Luke hugged. - I'm happy to see you.
- Me too. - I hugged him back.
I looked at Wyatt. He was staring at me, giving me the look and waving with his hand to come closer.
- I know, I know. - I hugged him. - Thank you so much and glad you are fine.
- Pleasure is mine. - he smiled.
I looked behind him.
- Nick? - I moved my eyes on Luke.
- We.. Don't know... We lost him...
- Oh my god... - I covered my face with my palm.
- Where have you seen him the last time? - Pete stood up.
- During our walk with the herd. But Sarah's scream made us to separate, too. And did not see him after...
- I'm.. So sorry. - Sarah felt guilty. - It's my fault...
- I'll find him. I cannot let my nephew. I love that stupid kid. - he was so nervous, never seen him like that before.
- I'll go with you, Pete. - said Luke.
- Yeah, me too. - joined Wyatt.
- Take care. - I hugged Pete.
- So you do. You all stay here. It is safer. We will come back with Nick. - he was about to closer, but he stood for a moment and whispered worried. - I hope... - he hanged his head down and left with the others.
I was looking after them.. I put my hands on my heart. It was beating fast and felt so heavy... My eyes teared-up and I started sobbing. I wanted to believe they will find Nick, but I couldn't. I only could wish and desire that he would return, fine and safe... I feared that anything happened to him...
- Niece... - Brian hugged me and tried comforting. - Look.. - I left his hug and cut his words.
- I'm just.. Tired... I'm fine... - I sniffed.
- Honey, Nick's room is upstairs. The stairs lead from the livingroom. It's right after this door. - she pointed with her head on a door, opposite the other door we came in through. - Once you got upstairs, there's a wooden board saying "Gone Fishing" on its left it's Nick's room.
- Thank you...
- Sleep well, kid... - Alvin looked at me with sorry in his eyes.
- Yeah. - I wanted to leave but Sarah stopped me.
- Stay fine.. - she hugged me tight. -..Best Friend... - she ended her sentence.
I smiled at her and headed to Nick's room. I threw myself on the bed and covered myself. Although it was just around late noon, I was so tired and exhausted. Not because of fighting or running, but because of everything I had on my mind. Especially Nick... I turned on my mind and been looking at the wall,still sobbing, until tiredness forced me to fall asleep. Needless to say, I didn't have a good rest. Probably as the result of worrying I ended up having horrible nightmares. In one, he got killed by Carver, in another he reanimated. The second nightmare made me wake up so suddenly, and jump up. But as fast I  got up, I calmed down that fast, too. I saw his arms wrapped around me. He returned meanwhile I was sleeping.
- Nick! Oh my gosh. - I turned to him and hugged him tight. I kissed him. - You.. Smell from.. Whiskey?
- Yeah.. About a half mile away from the cabin, there is a basement. It had a few jars containing Whiskey.
- You drank.. Why?
- I was alone and had to find a safe place, away from Walkers. And.. I was just sitting there, thinking... I've thought I lost you.. Then I just.. Lost it and started drinking. Then I passed out and Pete, Luke and that other dude found me. And.. Here I am now. - he smiled.
- You drank because of me.. Come on...
- You are the love of my life. It was the second time we had to separate. I, we can say, broke down. I didn't know whether you were alive or not.. Or where were you at all... I'd totally have turned in if I knew anything happened to you... So.. I just drank.
- Ahw, Nick... - I pulled him close and started crying again.
- It's okay, gorgeous. Give it all out. - he held me tighter. - Hey. - he took off my tears with his hands. - Rest. You need it and I don't know how long can we stay here.
- Nick...
- Yes?
- Don't let go. - I put my head under his and cuddled him.
- I'd be an idiot if I ever did. - he kissed my head and hugged. - I love you, my little pretty. - gave another kiss on my head.
- I love you more, honey.
Nick giggled. He kept petting my back, my hair and giving kisses all over my face and on my head, some on my neck and shoulders. He was comforting, soothing me 'til I fell asleep again.